'Is this normal for a kid's birthday party or am I being an entitled parent?' UPDATED
"Is this normal for a kid's birthday party or am I being an entitled parent?"
Earlier today I went to a birthday party for my daughters (6) friend from school. The party was being held at Build a Bear, but it wasn’t run by the employees. We had cake and pizza in the food court, then went down to BAB to make bears, then back to friends house for the rest of the party.
The invitation said each kid (about 8 total) would get to make a Bear, and I just assumed they would get to take them home, since that is what happened at another BAB party I went to. Me and my husband even pitched in about 30 dollars as we know these things can get expensive.
We get to the store, and the kids go wild getting their animals and accessories. As far as I know the parents didn’t really put a limit, but I made my daughter stick to just a standard dog with a shirt, which about half the parents did as well. All is well, we leave the store, then friends mom announces that the kids need to give all their animals to her daughter.
Cue the upset and angry kids. They all disappointingly handed over their animals, and friend wasn’t even being nice about it either. Another little boy didn’t want to, and friend ripped it out of his hands. I probably should have said something, but I didn’t. The other parents seemed pretty baffled too.
We get back to friends house and our kids are watching as friend plays with all her new animals. I left with my daughter pretty quickly, and once we got back into the car she just started bawling. I felt bad so we went to build a bear and got her a new one. I’m just wondering if this is totally normal and I should have expected this, or am I being an entitled parent?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Shrimpy_McWaddles
Did you also buy a present for their kid? I'd honestly consider reaching out to the mom and asking for the money back since you're daughter didn't get to keep the bear; you intended to pay because you figured your daughter would be keeping the animal.
Depends on how much the 30$ and making a point is worth to you, because this is bound to start some drama. I feel bad for the kid though because no one is going to want to come to their birthday any more.
namenerd77 OP:
Yes we did get her a present. I talked to one of the other moms whose child was at the party, and she was really upset when her kid came home without a bear. She said she will try talking to her about it at school Monday.
That is really weird!! I can't believe the parents made all the kids give away their bears.
I think it would have been less weird if they had said that up front like "Oh she wants a bear specially thought out by each of her friends" to make it seem like they'll be special or something lol
That’s so far outside the norm, I might broach the topic with the parents, as I would be concerned they don’t understand what a breach of social custom that was.
I would’ve assumed that the trip to Build a Bear was the “activity” for the party. Better watch out if she invites to a future party at an indoor amusement park, you’ll have to surrender all your game tickets to Precious so she can get the best prizes for herself
mapz00
Wait so did every parent have to pay for their own kids' bear before they were told that they had to give it up!?!? Because wtf?!?! On top of an already wtf sundae!!!
namenerd77 OP:
They didn’t ask us to pay, I only did as an extra favor.
Info from OP in the comments:
To my understanding, the little girl told her friends that they would get to keep their bears. At first I thought maybe the birthday girl didn’t know she would be given all of them, but judging by her attitude maybe she did. The kids did get goody bags after the fact with sunglasses, bubbles, some candy and their own decorated cupcake.
The family are big people in the community, always volunteering. They are pretty rich, and do seem a little snobby and “better than everyone else.”
I really wish they did the party through Build A Bear, instead they just did it as an extra activity. I don’t think the employees even knew a birthday party was going on honestly.
3 days later OP came back with this update:
This afternoon at school pickup me and another parent had a chance to talk with the mom of the party. It wasn’t a long conversation, but I’ll do my best to re-enact it here. Moms fake name will be Karen.
Insert awkward small talk here
Karen- ... I hope the girls enjoyed (daughters) party the other day. I know (daughter) had lots of fun.
Other mom- Haha yeah I was actually wondering about the whole (daughter) getting all the bears thing. The kids seemed pretty upset afterwards.
Karen- Oh yeah we wanted (daughter) to have a special animal decorated by each of her friends.
Me- Oh okay. I was just wondering why the kids didn’t get to keep their bears. I even pitched in a little bit of money, assuming the bears would go to the kids.
Karen- Well I didn’t have enough money for each of the guests to make their own, that would get pretty expensive! If you want your money back I’ll see about getting it back to you. I don’t really see the problem though.
Me- Okay, well the kids were forced to give away their new creations, obviously they are going to be upset about it. I also don’t see why your daughter needs all these animals.
Karen didn’t respond and walked away right after, probably offended.
What bothers me is she said she “didn’t have enough money for all the kids to have one”, but she did have enough for her daughter to get like 8 bears. Just doesn’t really make sense.
Now I admit I’m not the most confrontational person, so I probably should have talked to her more about it. Anyways, I guess we sort of worked it out, no ones fighting, so I’m not sure I’m going to mention it to her again. Sorry this wasn’t the most satisfying ending. But thanks for all the love and support, it means a lot.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Deleted
This is direct from the Build A Bear website...“Just pick the package that fits your budget and invite your Guests – Build-A-Bear Workshop does the rest! We provide a Party Leader who will guide the fun with hands-on activities and games. And each Guest creates the best party favor ever — their own furry friend to bring home and love!” Karen is a skank
Aidlin87244
Ah, so this is why they didn’t have Build a Bear actually host the party...because BAB wouldn’t have allowed her to be this greedy with the bears.
tetewhyelle
As a former BaB employee I can confirm we would not have let that shit fly.
I feel bad this little girl. No one will want to come to her next birthday party. I know I’d feel wary of dealing with these parents. These parents are probably entitled and think the work revolves around them and their little girl. Of course, their little girl’s friends would be happy to give up their BAB. It would make their little girl soooo happy.
[deleted]
If you don't have enough money for each of the kids to make and keep their own bear, then don't do a BAB party! It basically says that she wanted to spend that money on her OWN kid, and not the kids actually building the bears. She paid for child labour for her own kid's toys, effectively.
I can’t imagine voluntarily having 8 more soft toys in my house.