'AITA for gifting my twins differently on their birthday, angering my daughter?'
"AITA for gifting my twins differently on their birthday, angering my daughter?"
DirectConnection6982
So, recently my son and daughter, who are 18-year-old twins just celebrated their birthdays, and I got them gifts accordingly. However, my daughter got really upset about the gift she recieved compared to her brothers, and now she won't talk to me.
Here's the deal: For my son's birthday, I bought him a car. It's a used one, nothing fancy, but it's a reliable vehicle to get him around. On the other hand, for my daughter's birthday, I gifted her a $300 Visa gift card.
Now, I understand that on the surface, this might seem unfair. But hear me out. My son has shown a strong interest in cars for years, and he's been saving up for one. He's responsible and has a part-time job, so I thought it was a good time to help him get one. He was thrilled, and we even went car shopping together.
My daughter, on the other hand, never expressed any particular interest in anything specific. She's more into shopping and fashion, which is why I thought a Visa gift card would give her the freedom to choose whatever she wants.
Plus, she's been asking for extra money lately to buy clothes and makeup. However, when she opened her gift, she got visibly upset and called it unfair. She said it wasn't fair that her brother got a car, and she only got a gift card and that I was showing favoritism.
I tried explaining my reasoning to her, but she wouldn't listen and stormed off to her room. She hasn't talked to me since. I think I did what was best for each of them based on their interests and needs, but now I'm wondering if I was wrong.
A lot of people are saying I'm sexist & showing favoritism. I'd like to make it clear that I'm not a sexist and I'm not intentionally trying to show favoritism. Although, the value of their gifts may be a bit different, I did the best I could to find gifts I thought they'd both enjoy based off their interests.
My son had an interest in cars, my daughter had an interest in money so that's what they got. I thought $300 was a good portion.
I didn't believe it had to be the same amount of money I was putting into the purchase of my son's car, as strictly handing out 10k to someone to spend on whatever they want is different than spending it on something that's actually needed. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
theitguy1968
YTA and a massive one at that. You should treat them the same. You spend thousands on a car for one and a measly gift voucher for the other. You know very well this was wrong of you, you saw your Daughters reaction. She now thinks her brother is your favourite and she means nothing to you. You need to make this right or she will always resent you.
friendtoallkitties
I'm sure she's known for years that her brother is the favorite. I wonder what other flimsy excuses mom has used over the years to justify her preferential treatment of the brother.
Beautiful-Ad-7616
It doesn't say but I'm strongly suspecting OP is a male, as this reeks of sexism and male favoritism. Because the boy likes cars and OP can't be bothered to learn a single interest of their daughters.
OP literally spent 10K on a car for the son, but chucked a $300 Giftcard at the daughter and is shocked Pikachu face she isn't jumping for joy about it. OP, YTA the favoritism for your son is disgustingly obvious.
Thymelaeaceae
More than that, beyond simple monetary value your own car is one of the most powerful possessions you can have. Even a clunker provides freedom, autonomy, an ability to have and keep a job, and all sorts of other benefits that a young adult can really use to get a start in life.
Sucks he would gift something this life changing to the boy and not the girl. $300 worth of makeup and clothes will help her literally 0.
GingerLamb
Just because your daughter uses a car as a utility and your son has a strong interest in cars isn’t a reason to not gift your daughter one. Having a car opens life up to so many possibilities, that you’re denying your daughter.
It seems like your son is something of a golden child. You’re pushing your daughter away and devaluing her. If you don’t want a life-long rift and coldness in your relationship with your daughter you might want to reconsider. It’s unlikely she’ll be enthusiastic about your relationship moving forward, and is that how you want your old age to be?
LeinDaddy
YTA. The gifts have naturally assigned values, and you showed who was more important. Why not gift her the cash equivalent of the car? She'd definitely not be pissed. If you can't afford that, you shouldn't have gifted one child a car. Also, everyone wants a car.
WonderTushTheWise
I know twins want to be treated as individuals instead of one person but not when it comes to their birthday gifts. By spending very obviously different amounts of money and thoughtfulness on their gifts, you're making your favoritism very clear.
YTA. Also, you say in a comment that the car was $10k. You gave your son a gift that was 33 times more expensive than your daughters. Wow.