It can be hard for parents to figure out when to cut the umbilical cord and let their adult child face consequences for their own choices, without the automatic safety net. While it's ideal for a parent to be loving and supportive for life, that doesn't mean they always have to come to the rescue.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a parent asked if they were wrong for telling their son to pay off his own credit card after a financial snafu. They wrote:
My son is in college (19), I am going to be blunt, he was a nightmare to try to teach things to. I would sit him down and show him how to do his laundry for example. He would leave halfway through and then f#$k up when doing it himself. I would show him again and he would still mess it up. He broke the vacuum since he refused to pick up the large stuff. It was for everything and I believe it was to get out of chores.
We once got in a huge argument since I made him clean up the whole kitchen after he spilled the garbage all over her floor. It didn’t rip he didn’t tie the top. I got a call today about how I didn’t teach him to balance a checkbook ( I tried). He has ended up overspending on his credit card and now is going to have credit card debt. He asked for the money to pay it off since it’s apparently my fault he messed up.
I told him no. This started an argument and I told him it’s not my fault he f#$ked up and her can’t blame me. He called me a jerk and called his grandparents and they are on my back now.
Hahaha. NTA. He's playing you. He had the internet, tell him to Google. Do not keep placating him. He's still looking for skeins to be responsible for his life. Sorry miss, all you now!
In this instance you are NTA but this sounds like years of dysfunction and did you ever try to find out if there were underlying causes? Possible reasons for his frustration and struggle to learn things? Ultimately how a 19-year-old acts and spends their money is not your fault but this also sounds like only the tip of a massive iceberg of issues.
I mean, the situation does not make you an AH. But reading what you wrote the the vibe you give off, it seems like you are an AH in general, and your son might have had trouble learning this stuff because of you.
He's your kid, his success or failures in life ultimately reflect on you as a parent. It does sound like its possible he has some kind of learning disability, I would start there, but he is also a teenager, this is just how teenagers are lol. Consequences are an important lesson of life, it seems like you may have been insulating him from them for the last 19 years if this is the first time he is learning to deal with them.
Who could possibly learn anything when the teacher has such a dismissive attitude? Sounds like the young man has learning issues and you never bothered to figure it out. He f#$ked up is your go-to so you can avoid responsibility for your failures as a parent. YTA.
NTA. You don't need a special lesson to tell you that credit cards have to be paid. If you don't have money, you can't pay them off and there will be penalties. Let his grandparents pay his debts if they wish to enable him, but you are not responsible for his overspending. It is about time he learned about consequences and you should tell his grandparents that.
While the votes largely lean toward NTA, it does seem like people have some questions about OP's parenting style.