Parent says gay son can't have friend stay overnight; son says it's a 'double standard.'
AITA for grounding my son for abusing my trust and banning his 'bestfriend' from spending the night anymore?
So my son Sam 15M is gay which isn't an issue , he came out in the 8th grade. Sam has a bestfriend Joaquin also 15M who hes know since they were 5. Joaquin lives right down the street and has spent the night countless times with no issue. he's a good kid and we're friends with his parents.
Until now I assumed Joaquin was straight as far as I knew I've only ever heard the kid talk/ask about girls or advice with girls and he had a girlfriend for a while. So even after Sam came out I was perfectly ok with Joaquin continuing to stay the night.
That is until over the weekend when I got up in the middle night to pee and decided to check on the boys. I caught them making out in Sam's room. Apparently Joaquin is Bi and theyd started dating a few months back under my nose.
I probably got more upset then I needed to and yelled at Joaquin to pack his stuff and to go home and I yelled at Sam that Joaquin is banned from staying the night anymore and that he was to have his door open at all times when Sam was over. I told him he was grounded for the next two weeks for abusing my trust.
He said I was being unfair and that I let his older brother (18) straight have his friends over a night, and sometimes his girlfriend stays, and that I wasn't treating them the same. His brother is 18 and is in college, but he still says it's a double standard and that I embarrassed him yelling like that. AITA here?
I might be the asshole for reacting the way I did. For possibly creating a double standard and getting so mad that I yelled at them the way I did. Note from OP: I have absolutely zero issues with my son being gay or with Joaquin. I do have a problem with them trying to get one over on me.
Here's what people had to say:
zZombi__ writes:
YTA . He's 15. Sorry to say that now he will make out with his boyfriend somewhere outside of the house. You won't stop them and yes I do believe you're being hypocritical when it comes to his brother. Would you react the same way if it was his older brother when he was 15?
Either way, you just made sure that if your son wants to experiment with his boyfriend more, it won't be happening in your house. Instead (if his house is also an issue) it will happen outside. And, 18 or not, the older brother can get his girlfriend pregnant. Your younger son cannot.
Wynfleue writes:
My main concern here is whether Joaquin was safe to get home alone in the middle of the night. He's 15 and lives down the street, so as long as it's a safe neighborhood and he had a key to get into his house that's probably fine ... but at 3am I'd probably walk/drive him home or at least keep an eye out to make sure he got into the house okay at minimum ... that's still a child that was under your care for the night.
Lobster-mom writes:
I’m more of the “I’d rather you be safe under my roof than out in a car somewhere” mindset, but the fact that Sam was sneaking around shows me that OP isn’t that way and Sam knows it.
_mmiggs_ writes:
Who walks in on teenage children in the middle of the night to check that they are alive? Most likely she 'went to check on them' because she saw a light on or heard noises, and she went to tell them to go to sleep.
UsuallyWrite2 writes:
I think you grossly overreacted. Banning the kid from your house? Because they were making out? A more reasonable response would’ve been “knock it off”.
thefinnbear writes:
YTA for barging in to your son's room in the middle of the night.
I think you need to think why he didn't feel comfortable enough to tell you he was dating. After this he probably won't talk to you about his private life - and rightly so.