Pregnant woman warns mom, 'You're not allowed at the gender reveal party.' AITA?
When this pregnant woman is annoyed with her mother's behavior, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for no longer wanting my mom involved in my gender reveal?"
Hello! First time poster here so sorry if it’s not formatted like the usual posts on here. My fiancé and I are expecting our first child together. We thought it would be fun to go with the new tradition of having a gender reveal for our baby. I am currently 17 weeks and plan on having the gender reveal when I am 22 weeks.
We told our family with the cute gestures you see all on social media now of days. And immediately my mom offered to plan the gender reveal and baby shower. At first I thought this was a great idea so it’s less stress on me and I figured my mom would have my best interest in mind.
My mom is also financially well off mind you. I agreed to this but at the planning process has been going along things have been very stressful for me.
First, she didn’t like the venue I chose as she said it looked as if it were for a wedding and she began pushing for us to have a “shotgun” wedding. I declined after her number attempts of pushing it on me, my fiancé and I aren’t the traditional couple and want to enjoy our engagement rather than rushing.
Next, the other venues we found weren’t good enough for her. She said she thought they were in bad areas and didn’t want to be “catfished” as we couldn’t see the venue until after booking.
Which I understood. I sent her more places over the week and she kept saying they were too far from her (she lives around 1.5 hours away from me) and kept suggesting places in her area. I declined as I wanted the venue near me as I am pregnant and don’t know how I will feel that week of pregnancy.
Now, my fiancé and I decided to just have the reveal at our home. We thought we can plan it the way we want without restrictions from a venue or having to get event insurance. We have a big family so this was many of the issues we ran into.
My mom scoffed at this idea and started sending me venues that began overwhelming me. I didn’t reply and had my fiancé speak to her so I wouldn’t get emotional or say anything I regret.
We met for brunch and I thought we were all on the same understanding that the event would be at our home. But after an hour, she text me asking if we are firm or if she can continue looking for places. I told her yes we are firm. She then text me lowering her original budget by over half! The event venue cost more than what she said she is willing to help with now.
Am I the asshole if I ask her to not be apart of the process? How would you go about this? We both aren’t able to afford to do a huge gender reveal without her money which sucks but I am tired of her attitude towards the planning process.
Let's see what readers thought.
livelife35 writes:
ESH. Don’t have a gender reveal. Surely you have to realize that 99% of the people who attend do not care about the gender, and those who do don’t deserve a party anyway.
kronklasword writes:
NTA, but you'll have to stick to what you can afford yourselves from now on. Your mom's money seems to only come with strings attached. For your own sanity, stop asking for help.
Advice? Just tell her you have your own ideas and will be sticking to them. You've already pissed her off. You may as well do it properly and send the "Knock it off" message.
longprinciple35 writes:
No one is the AH. Your mom is paying, consequently she would like her say to be a priority. No money is free, and the cost is that you d have to compromise your vision for what she is willing to pay for.
Also if you have it at your house, the biggest expense (the venue) is no longer something to consider so cutting the budget in half is actually sensible.
fragrantecon writes:
NTA. If you don't like her ways, cut her off from the process, but be prepared for the consequences. Your mother isn't going to like it.
Not that I am trying to convince you to do anything differently, but I had a little chuckle at your post. You don't want a shotgun wedding because you are a traditional couple.
I do believe that shotgun weddings ARE the tradition for couples where the lady is 17 weeks into her pregnancy ...