Pregnant woman asks if she's wrong to reject husband's rules about breastfeeding.
In a post on Reddit a 19 year-old woman with a 33 year-old husband got into an arguement about how to raise their child.
In a previous post you could see problems around raising the child already. She wanted him to priortize coming to the ultrasound, and he said he couldn't come because of work. Here's an excerpt:
Today he decided to tell me he probably wouldn't be coming tomorrow because he needs to stay up all night and sleep during the day for work. I feel kinda pissed because I think he should be able to come regardless, especially since he has stayed up multiple times for 24 hrs to play video games after working all night.
Here's her new question:
So recently my husband and I have been talking more in depth about breastfeeding as I am in my second trimester and it's always good to have those conversations. And I'm not kidding you, you guys he says 'and under no circumstances with you ever breastfeed in front of company or in public.
If you need to feed the baby in public or in front of the company you will have it pumped beforehand to give to our baby.'
I attempted to argue because I do not agree, and it's my body anyway that would be out and that would deal with my comfortability so I feel frustrated that I wasn't given the chance to explain my views but I was just expected to accept his.
I am not asking to flash anyone but I know as a parent of a now toddler that sometimes you need to breastfeed in public or around guests/family essentially in our case. I would of course be respectful and such making sure I'm covered with a bf cover if all possible.
He argued with me for literally over fifteen minutes about it and refused to budge for any reason and would barely let me speak. He told me that I don't have to be a bitch, or HE is just not comfortable with it, or if the baby won't take a bottle then it isn't hungry (which a lot of breastfed babys won't drink out of a bottle even when hungry).
Or even with the company thing I struggled with postpartum depression and most likely will have it again, I find it extremely depressing to need to remove myself from the little social interaction I get to go feed my baby when I can do it discreetly and covered. But I'm a bitch and none of my reasons are valid.
I haven't spoken with him since and he is increasingly getting annoyed and rude,
So reddit am I the asshole for being a bitch for wanting to share my opinion before he tells me I can't do something. And ignoring my husband as he doesn't want my opinion but expects me to respect and live by his?
Here's what people thought in the comments:
It's obvious from both posts that you two have an out of sync, unhealthy power dynamic. Also, I assume you don't hav friend's and family to discuss these things with which is why you turn to reddit instead.
NTA. He really gets no say in this. Your body, your choice. Feed your baby.
NTA wow, WOW what the hell did I just read? I think this is some eye opening stuff to how you both might parent differently and will need to have some big conversations coming up. The fact that you’re a “bitch” now???? WTF???? This is your BABY and your BABY’S HEALTH. You are not a bitch or an AH AT ALL (however, he’s being both).
NTA. How about he removes himself from the scene if his own wife breastfeeding out in the open makes him uncomfortable 🙄
So what do you think? It obviously makes him uncomfortable, but does he really have any say in the matter, and even if he does did he handle this well?