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Pregnant woman tells her childfree friends that they are 'cruel' to her. AITA?

Pregnant woman tells her childfree friends that they are 'cruel' to her. AITA?


When this woman upsets her childfree friends, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling my childfree friends they are cruel to me?"

I (33F) was child free and wanted to stay that way for most of my life and all my friends are the same. My partner and I talked a lot about pros and cons of having kids and we both agreed I wouldn't abort if I ended up pregnant but we won't actively work on kids.

However in the last year we wanted kids more and more. First we wanted to foster (adoption is nearly impossible in our country) but then we sorta ended up pregnant. I am due to give birth soon and my friends are being dicks about it. I told them off and called them cruel and they called me a selfish asshole.

So, context, since I have been purposefully child free most of my life I am aware of the downsides of having kids. I personally think a lot of people are being unwise when they decide to have kids and less population is generally better but I never ever said it to someone's face especially when they were expecting.

One cannot know what are peoples motives to have children or to not have children and I never judged. Whether you have offsprings or not is completely irrelevant to me to see you as a person. When I got pregnant I was delighted but scared, naturally.

I am anxious person by nature and I always talked through my things with my friends who were always there for me. Until the topic centered around my pregnancy.

For the past 7 months of pregnancy, every time I mentioned something bad relating to pregnancy (like having nausea, back pain, insomnia) my friends jokingly said "well you got yourself into that sh&, now suffer hahhaa".

First it was a joke but sometimes it gets really hard and considering we always whine about something (one of the friends the other day literally cried cuz she missed a beginning of a movie in cinema, and nobody said anything to her) I don't think me "whining" about discomfort of carrying a baby is too much.

Lately, they even upped the game saying stuff like they won't come by our place when the baby is there (I mean where should I put the baby???) and saying stuff like "nice knowing you", "ah now you won't be able to go to concert with us" (even tho when the concert happens baby will be 7 months old and I have tickets and plan to go).

One went so far to tell me they don't even wanna met my baby, and that's when I lost it and called them all cruel. This resulted in backlash, calling me selfish asshole because I decided to have kids and I shouldn't be imposing the kid on them.

Thing is....I am not imposing anything. The kid will simply be there and I never ever mentioned anything about them babysitting or looking after or in any way shape or form being included in baby's life.

Just think I am going through something life changing (whether it was my decision or not) and just don't want them to dump sh&t on me whenever I mention anything related to my pregnancy or baby.

I dunno, they all made some bad decisions in their lives, we all did, and we all were there for each other and this feels like I am their personal landfill because of their own issues with natalism/antinatalism. Opinions?

Let's see what readers thought.

imhereforthegoss writes:

Child free person here: NTA but your friends are. I hope you fully understand the friendship will change.. and it’s not because of your friends, being a mum will change your routine, priorities etc. and guess what: it’s normal! Love don’t need constant company, love needs love.

I love my friends who are mammas, I don’t see them as frequently as before (and sometimes I smile at kids pics/videos that I would not necessarily find cute or funny..) but I love them.

I’m here for them and guess what, one of these kids stole my heart and now I’m a bit auntie! Your friends might not have a change of heart but if they truly love you they should be there for you. If not, there are loads of childless people who would love to be your friend too!

specialistyam678 writes:

I think the language of this sub kind of muddies this because are the being AHs? Yes absolutely, but is anyone at the core of this fully at fault? I think NAH as the pure answer to this question.

You decided you want a kid and want your friends to be supportive and nothing to change — nothing AH about that.

They have chosen child free lives and don’t want to be around babies or accommodate that — honestly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

The sad fact for you is that these people are probably being honest and your friendships with them are probably over. They don’t want the lifestyle that you are now entering, they won’t want to talk about babies or see your pictures or hang out with toddlers, and that’s going to be your life for the next long time.

They are being bad friends for how they are speaking to you, yes. But I don’t think they are the AH of the situation for just not wanting babies, however tangentially, in their lives. I think you need to make some parent friends and let this friendship go.

Maybe they’ll change their minds and maybe you won’t hold this time against them? But you guys just seem to be in hugely different headspaces and your lives might not be very compatible now.

kikimadecrazy writes:

NTA The reality is you need new friends, they don’t have to be parents. They have just to be decent people. And it’s the worst time for you as you need al the support you need. It’s your and your partner choice and as you don’t butt in and respect your friends decision, so should they.

Looks like OP is NTA here. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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