Ultimately, it's up to the person giving birth to choose who they want in the delivery room as it's an incredibly intimate, painful, and vulernable experience. While both parents usually prefer to be present, it's a private decision that should be between the doctor and the pregnant person. If you're a dad who gets banned from the room, do you embrace the moment and smoke cigars while waiting in the car like it's 1954, or do you 'sulk?'
So, when a frustrated dad decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole,' people were ready to help deem a verdict.
I, 28M, have been with the love of my life, Emily, 26F, for 7 years, married for 2. We have always talked about having kids, and I’ve always wanted to be there when they were born. When my dad was still alive, he used to tell me and my siblings all the time about how it literally brought him to tears (NOT a man who cries btw), and he would say he was so grateful for all of us and for the experience.
My beautiful and amazing wife is 8 months pregnant. It’s been a pretty difficult pregnancy for her, well for us, but especially to her. She’s had a few miscarriages in the past, and I’ve just been praying to God for both of them to make it through safely.
We were talking more and more about what’s going to happen when she goes into labor, and she’s very adamant that I not be in the room, natural or C, no matter what. I’ve tried convincing, pleading, begging, but she won’t change her mind. Her mom is going to be with her, and I understand that she needs her mom, and that she needs to do whatever to make sure that everything goes smoothly.
I don’t wanna stress her out too much because I keep telling myself all that matters is that they’re both healthy, but I’m honestly really sad about not being able to be there for my son’s birth.
It’s not about me. I know that. All that matters is that they’re both healthy. I’ve been trying to come to terms and understand this on my own time, so as not to bother her, but Emily’s just being so condescending to me, and I know that she’s just stressed out and scared, so she doesn’t mean it, but I feel like I deserve to process this at least for a few days.
I still do everything as I’ve done before, but she says that now I have this “beaten puppy dog” look on my face, and its “pissing her off.” Then, she started scolding me asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a f*cking man and “get the f*ck over it.”
I feel like crying, but I don’t want her to know, and get mad at me again, so I told her I was going out to get groceries, and am writing this in the car to try and calm myself down. I love her so much, but what she said really hit me hard. I just want them both to be healthy and safe, but I also wanted to be there.
NTA. It's your child, too. I don't blame you one bit for being upset. You're not an AH for wanting to see the birth of your kid.
NTA. Honestly if my wife had been like that it's highly likely she would have been my ex-wife by now. This is not OK. I'm not saying she shouldn't be able to choose the person in the room with her, the way she's dismissing you and your feelings is toxic though.
NTA. Your wife has the right to say she doesn't want you there. She does not have the right to demean you so much that you are writing this crying from your car. To me, this is more about her overall response than her answer. The lack of empathy in some of these comments sucks.
NTA. Does she always talks down to you? Being pregnant doesn't mean you have the right to be an as*hole ( I have had 2 kids of my own). Have you been supportive throughout the pregnancy? There's not much you can do if she doesn't want you there but I mean come on, that's YOUR CHILD too.
NTA. She has the right to not have you be there. You have the right to be bummed about it and take time to process those emotions. It is not cool that she is telling you to get the f*ck over it and 'be a man.'
Yes she is pregnant and stressed but still not an excuse to be rude and name call. On the brighter side of things think about all the verbal abuse you will NOT have to endure when she is in active labor.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this dad isn't wrong to be upset, but these soon-to-be parents should probably have a deeper talk at some point when emotions aren't so hot. Name-calling is never good in a relationship, but she should get some slack since she can't see her feet right now. Good luck, everyone.