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Pregnant woman warns stepdad to not call himself 'papa' to her kid. AITA?

Pregnant woman warns stepdad to not call himself 'papa' to her kid. AITA?


When this woman is devastated by her stepdad's behavior, she asks Reddit:

"AITA For not letting my step father call himself papa to my kid?"

I’m currently pregnant with my first baby im 28y and my mother has been with my step dad for approximately 4 or 5 years now but married for 2. Before I explain the step dad part let me say that me and my husband (27y m) both have separated parents and they have remarried.

So this baby will have 4 pairs of grandparents. Me and husband agreed that the baby would call the bio grandparents (grandma, grandpa, tata or nana) whatever they choose (the grandparent) and the step parents would be called by their name or referenced by their name until baby is older and can make a nickname or see what they would like to call them.

My mom recently became feral during a conversation we had about this because she knows her husband will be “hurt” if I tell him not to reference himself as papa and say we’re just doing first name right now.

I told her first of all with all due respect im not responsible for a grown man’s feelings and I will not be guilt tripped about his feelings. I told her what if the baby wants to call their dad papa ? She was quiet.

I said I’m sorry he’s not papa, he will be called either by his first name or a nickname the baby makes for him when she’s a bit older or what they are comfortable with. My mother thinks that I’m wrong because he’s been there for me and we have a good relationship.

Which I told her if being there for me came with strings attached and I had debt owed to him then I would have never accepted the relationship.

Also with respect to the baby’s grandpas that are living and well and also apart of me and my husband’s life I think it’s only right to keep them as grandpa especially if the baby sees him (step dad) more.

Quick add in my mom and her husband own their own business and have more freedom then our other parents and I don’t want the baby to get confused if the other grandparents are not always available to get together because of their jobs.

I also mentioned that to her but she became so feral saying she will have the baby call her by her name then and if I’m going to have all these rules she won’t visit.

I had advised her nothing she is saying right now is going to make me change my mind. This is my baby and this is what I wish for he will not be called papa just because his own bio grandkids call him that it’s not going to happen here.

I also reminded her if she wishes not to visit because of my rules or boundaries I will have, then so be it but I will not allow her to use her husbands feelings as a weapon against me to change my mind. So am I the asshole?

Let's see what readers thought.

stacyb125 writes:

YTA. My kids have extra sets of grandparents, as did I. I taught kindergarten for a decade and hosted annual grandparents day celebrations. Many of the kids had extra grandparents.

Some had all four sets show up for grandparents day and even with 20 kids all bringing all their grandparents, it still wasn’t hard to keep track. Absolutely none of those many families treated the step grandparents (in good standing) so unkindly.

If I can keep track of an entire classroom’s many sets of grandparents, you can easily differentiate between four sets of people who have all been parts of your lives for years.

emjennings writes:

YTA. Kids are not as easily confused as you seem to think they are. My kid has 4 grandpas and 3 grandmas (me and the kid's dad are separated, the kid's dad's parents are separated, grandma dad's side has a new partner, I myself have a new partner whose parents are also grandma and grandpa) and there has never been ANY confusion.

Heck, the newest set of grandparents got in our lives when my kid was 3 and a half years old, we started referring to them as Grandpa/Grandma [lastname] and that's what the kid started calling them.

What you are doing is deliberately pushing away a stepparent from the grandfather role solely because you seem to have some sort of misconception about children, or because you just have issues, no clue, however.. It servers NO ONE's purpose but your own.

Your child literally is lucky enough to have an additional person in their life who will love them unconditionally, and you're already trying to create a distance that has no business doing there. And for what? Who does it hurt?

Because if you honestly think that your child will be the first child on the planet who will be confused by one of their grandparents being called "papa", or the idea that not all grandparents are around an equal amount, then either you think your child will be insanely stupid or you have no idea how children work.

Looks like OP is TA here. Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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