SAHM makes plans to spy on partner while he watches baby to see if he's 'trying.'
When this mom is frustrated with her partner, she asks Reddit:
'WIBTA if I track how long my partner takes over our baby?'
I (24f) am a stay at home mom. My partner (24m) is a working dad. He doesn't think that what I do is work. Even though I'm busy without any breaks from the moment baby gets up until about 2 hours after she goes to sleep.
I don't even have her naps as free time. He does not change diapers, do night wakings, bathtime, cooking for and feeding baby, bedtime, dressing her, taking her to walks, researching parenting and child development etc. That's all on me and I've never asked him to except a few exceptional times.
He works from home so he takes over the baby while I cook for at least 1 meal a day and sometimes 2. This is usually about 25-35 minutes. For the rest he spends an odd 5 minutes hanging out with her every now and then.
But he swears up and down that I have a lot of free time because supposedly he takes her over for many hours almost every day and let's me nap etc. But this is simply not the truth.
He takes her over so I can nap or have more free time about 1x in 3-4 weeks lately. Yet he acts as if the baby is with him for 4 hours a day (which was the case when he was on paternity leave but not anymore).
It just really irks me that he doesn't believe that I am with the baby almost all the time and that he doesn't not take her for like 4 hours each day. And the times he takes her I'm busy cooking and cleaning so it's not free time.
I want to kind of spy on him and track the exact times he takes her in Notion (an app that I have shared with him so he has access to it) so he has no delusions about what each of us do. Will this make me an AH?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
sjw7 writes:
NTA. Sounds like he needs a wake up call to see how much work looking after a baby and house actually is.
Why not arrange a day where you go out first thing in the morning and get back in the evening so he gets to experience it all first hand. He will probably be more understanding after that if he has any sense.
chloeoy writes:
You wouldn’t necessarily be TA, but think about that you’re with someone who has brought you to this mental space of feeling the need to keep track. He’s an a**hole in my opinion for not recognizing the work you put in and positioning himself and what he does for the family as superior.
That reflects his way of thinking about the world in general, and he is now the father of a daughter. That’s a red flag, and think about how that could impact the ways he raises a daughter, when he seems to not respect women.
I don’t think keeping score is a productive way to go about it because he just seems like he still won’t care if I’m being honest.
You should never have to prove your worth and your contributions to those you love and those who should be your biggest supporters. I want to say you sound like a great mom, and I know your daughter appreciates you. You shouldn’t have to deal with someone who doesn’t see all that you do for him and his child.
endoftheworldgirl writes:
NTA, though I don’t think it’s going to achieve what you want it to. He knows he’s not helping out with the baby and is trying to guilt you into letting the issue go.
YTA for letting yourself be treated like this. I’m so sorry and you deserve a partner that wants to help raise the child you decided to have together. This is going to be the rest of your life unless you sit down and lay it out for him, you’re exhausted and this is only going to turn into resentment if it hasn’t already.
Maybe Maybe he really does feel like he’s going above and beyond compared to the family life he experienced with his own parents.