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Separated mom's 19-year-old son storms out because her single life makes him 'uncomfortable.' 'AITA?'

Separated mom's 19-year-old son storms out because her single life makes him 'uncomfortable.' 'AITA?'

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A newly-separated mom asks the internet for advice:

"AITA because my son is uncomfortable with my post-separation life?"

Hi, I'm separated with a 19 year-old son. My husband works in engineering and was a generally level-headed person. He had some depression and anxiety issues, which led to me moving out during the pandemic.

I tried to develop more interests and stay active at that time, which included working out. I befriended my personal trainer, and after a year or so, she began to include me in her social circle.

For the last few years, I became healthier, came out of my shell, caught up on fun activities like dancing, meeting people, etc. Today, I am in very good shape, have a variety of friends, and sometimes get mistaken for being in my 30s.

My question comes from the fact that my son occasionally stays over at my apartment, even though he's in residence at college, and more often visits his father at the house.

The issue is that my lifestyle has changed since we all lived in the same home.

Among other things, I am busier, wear more flattering or "active" clothes, drink socially or will try pot with friends, and date casually.

These activities have caused awkwardness with my son, even though he will not have a direct conversation about it.

Most recently, he showed up intending to spend the weekend at my apartment. This was a surprise, as my friend was already there hanging out with me.

Because my friend is a 26 year-old guy, it led to a tense conversation about whether we can have "normal" visits anymore.

I said that no one should decide what's "normal" for me, including my son, and asked him how we could make the situation better.

He refused to explain his feelings or make any suggestions, stormed off, and has been radio silent since then.

I wonder if anyone has dealt with similar situations? I feel happier, healthier, and more confident than I have in many years.

What is there to do if this becomes "upsetting" for my adult child, especially when my attempts to talk about it are met with anger and silence. Have I done something wrong, aka, AITA?

Commenters have a lot of opinions on the situation—and they're not holding back.

Here's what some top commenters had to say:

From He_Who_Is_Person:

"My husband works in engineering and was a generally level-headed person. He had some depression and anxiety issues, which led to me moving out during the pandemic."

Maybe that is what your son is upset about.

Now perhaps you left a ton out because you didn't think it was relevant to the issue, but I read that and thought "holy f**k that's cold." The whole 'in sickness and in health' thing...

From throwawayy1015:

Yeah to me this whole thing sounded like an adult son being upset about his parent casually blowing up their home for a mid-life crisis

From NanaLeonie:

YTA. I do not think it is normal to expect your 19 year old son to be comfortable visiting you while your 26 year old male friend is chilling with you. If you were divorced, it would be different.

From tigtig126:

YTA You up and dropped your family during a global pandemic to go have fun. You left your son and husband who seem to have done nothing wrong but be sad, you're not even divorced officially.

Yeah I'd be pretty pissed at my mom if she abandoned me at 16 to go have fun and OCCASIONALLY see me on weekends, and then not even bother to make me comfortable. You don't even sound like you want your son around and he probably feels it.

Nevermind banging someone who's only 7 years older than your son and could be your son. I'd be wildly uncomfortable too.

From Gsage5:

YTA. If a father in his 40s was hanging out with girls in their 20’s and drinking, smoking weed, and hooking up. To the point his kids feel uncomfortable even being around his life, people would be certainly demonize him. You sound more bothered that your son was even coming around at all. Like he should be off at college and leaving you alone.

It sounds like your single freedom went to your head and you’ve forgotten your not in your 20’s. No one wants to see their mom acting like a college party girl and having casual relationships with dudes closer to their own age than hers. There is nothing wrong with dancing, smoking a bit of pot, and generally having fun in life. However, maybe you should start looking at developing relationships with people that are closer to your own age than your sons.

Before this, had you even been reaching out to your son to see how he is or spend any time with him? Have you and your husband made moves to reconcile or just divorce? This post reads like you’re very self absorbed and have little time for anything but chasing your long gone youth

From aloys24:

what is more important to you? sleeping with guys 15+ years younger than you? or having a good relationship with your son? its not that complicated, also not that hard to see how your son is a little uncomfortable with you sleeping with someone a few years older than him!

From tigtig126:

YTA You up and dropped your family during a global pandemic to go have fun. You left your son and husband who seem to have done nothing wrong but be sad, you're not even divorced officially.

Yeah I'd be pretty pissed at my mom if she abandoned me at 16 to go have fun and OCCASIONALLY see me on weekends, and then not even bother to make me comfortable. You don't even sound like you want your son around and he probably feels it.

Nevermind banging someone who's only 7 years older than your son and could be your son. I'd be wildly uncomfortable too.

It sounds like this mom was in the wrong, at least according to most commenters. Do you agree?

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