This father writes about one of his sons being outraged when he stumbled upon his will. He had wanted to have a conversation with all of his children to discuss the stipulations of his will but his eldest son accidentally found it first. The OP insists that if he had been able to explain first, everyone would have understood. However, the eldest son doesn't see it that way and now, he's on a war path.
I'm going to preface this by saying I love all three of my sons equally. They are 29, 24 and 22. It is my unequivocal truth. It's just that that my ex wife's involvement with my oldest son has really introduced a lot of toxicity and complications in our life.
After years of emotional and financial abuse, my wife and I have made a very conscious decision to completely cut my ex-wife out of our lives once my son turned 18. We let him have his relationship with his mother without any interference from us or any negative words.
I disagree with a lot of how their relationship is but I have kept my mouth shut to keep the peace. After losing literally everything after my divorce, I have built a new business with my wife and it's doing very well. All three of our sons work in the business.
A week ago, all the kids were over for lunch. I was stupid and left our recently drafted will on my office desk. My oldest son managed to see it. Our company and our home was willed to my two younger sons. My oldest was given a trust that pays out some money every five years.
I feel like I have to explain myself over why the will was laid out as it was. My ex-wife still has a lot of influence over my son and at the suggestion of our lawyer, we created the will this way so she couldn't interfere in the company and home. If she were to pass away before us, the will would be immediately rewritten to divide the company/home equally.
The plan was to explain this to our son gently and not for him to see it without any context. My son was understandably upset but his behavior that day exceeded all levels of decency. He stormed downstairs, threw things around and used disgusting language against my wife and I. Our sons nearly got into a fist fight.
I am devastated. I have already apologized and forwarded him emails to my lawyer telling him I want the will to be changed to split everything equally. But the damage is done.
He's now spreading horrible lies about us and his brothers to everyone in my family, even to the point of accusing us of being racists (he is half indian, half white). His brothers and my wife and I are so hurt hearing this. It couldn't be any further than the truth. It's the same thing my ex wife liked to accuse us of over the years.
He has refused to come in to work since the past week and I've been scrambling to do a lot of his work. I don't know how to fix this. He won't take my calls.
My ex wife has used this situation to make absolutely insane posts on Facebook that I am considering legal action over. But I know that will just add gasoline to the fire with regards to my son. I'm not sure how to salvage this. And I am really afraid that some of the things he has said won't easily be forgotten.
My younger sons have already been questioned on social media by their cousins about the racism accusations. It's a very uncomfortable thing to approach. My wife is also not over the names she was called by him, even though she says she is.
Go see a family therapist. These rotten roots are so deep in all of you there's no quick solution to this. See what a professional has to say. If your sons don't go with you, go alone. I'm sorry to say that what you have done is a forever effect, no matter the reasons, and so was his reaction. Good luck.
As someone from a divorced and re-married family with step siblings on my dad's side. If I found out that my step-siblings were getting more than me, that would feel like a big punch in the gut to say the least. And, it wouldn't be about the stuff or whatever my step-siblings would be receiving, it would just be that I would think my dad doesn't love or value me as much as my step-siblings.
Honestly you can do whatever you want with your company and your money, but he has every right to be devastated by this. Think about it from his POV. He clearly already feels like an outsider, and this will is just a giant sign that says 'I DON'T TRUST YOU'.
And why don't you trust him? Because he is close with his mother (a woman you chose, not him)? You said it yourself if she dies he gets as much as the other two. You are punishing him for having a living mother.
I can't tell you what to do with the legal side of this, but some joint therapy seems like one of the only places where this can be worked out. You are already his father AND his boss, so the power dynamics are all sorts of problematic here. Get a pro involved.
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I honestly think this is a blessing in disguise that he found out before you passed away. Jesus christ imagine learning about this when your parents are gone. It would destroy me for a very long time
This is a terribly complicated family situation. Imagine the view from his side. If my father dies, an already horrible situation, then I become an employee to his wife and my brothers.
No matter what the contract/will states, he will be a subordinate. He will be all of their employee. His primary perhaps only source of income, their decision. Will he get a raise or security when he wants to start his own family?
Well that's their decision. If he decides to leave and find a job on his own, his work history is based upon their word. That's what would terrify me. He's lost a major point of security, in a financial and parental sense.
I have read everyone's advice and there were many opinions that were very different. But at the end of the day I do admit this was all my fault and it's on me to make it right. I'm just not sure how.
My son showed up to work today to tell me he was leaving for another job. With a heavy heart I accepted.
We agreed on a 'severance' package that was just a lump sum payment because he felt I had cheated him by making him invest his time in a company that he was never going to be a part of.
I broke down in tears and begged him to reconsider. I tried to explain and promised to be more transparent with the will process but it seems to be too little, too late.
He had some very harsh words for me and made cruel accusations that I treated him poorly over the years and brought up situations I literally had no control over.
There were threats of fraud and discrimination and reporting me to the labour board and I just gave in and went to the bank and had a bank draft made. I felt absolutely defeated because I knew he wasn't going to hear me. I asked if we could go for counselling and he said only if I can give him back the years he wasted in the company.
Through it all I did see I hurt him greatly and I don't think I can ever make it like it was before. Maybe after he's had some space from me I can try contacting him again. My wife, his brothers and I have been uninvited from his wedding in June. I'm completely heartbroken.
I don't think you really get what this is about. It's not about how much money he would have gotten in the will. It's about the message you sent to your son by treating him unequally as compared to his brothers. You need to do a lot of soul searching before you can even start to repair your relationship with your son.
I have to wonder what the value of the trust that paid out every five years was... was it remotely comparable to a third of the business that the oldest son thought he was going to be a co-owner of one day?
There’s WAY too much information missing on this one.
To me it just became clear now. You hold resentment for your ex-wife which you took out on your son. You thought if you gave your son your inheritance the ex-wife may, in some way profit off that and you couldn't bear to watch that happen especially after she took away everything in the divorce.
So you made sure that your son wouldn't get anything and in turn your ex. Personally I don't think you're racist I just think you hold a grudge so bad against your ex you were willing to sacrifice your son for it.
P.S. You've said many times that your wife might influence your son/has influence over your son. I'm wondering what are you afraid of? What do you think he would've done with the money under the influence of mom that would've been so detrimental to you.
Judging from the son's reaction, I'm guessing that he has felt that he's the least favorite child for years.