When this man feels like he needs to punish his stepdaughter, he asks Reddit:
Hi reddit, about 2 months ago my wife (f38) and I (m41) learned my step-daughter(f16) was bullying a girl in school over being poor, getting free lunch at school and not being able to afford neccessties such as her own car and stuff.
Our daughter was kinda spoiled, we provided her with everything she needed along with an allowance and a part time job at my company (small family service business). We've been considered middle-class, doing things others werent as privileged to do such as buying our daughter a car on her 16th birthday.
I come from a family of immigrants and was considered in poverty growing up, after learning about the bullying i was furious as we thought we didnt raise her to behave that way. She was in honors and top ranking of her class.
I tried to talk to our daughter over why she would do that and i was disturbed to learn it was because she viewed that girl as "trailer trash" which irrated me.
The girl from what i learned is very smart and works hard, she bought her own beater car buy herself and works 2 jobs. She considered the money our family had as our families money, so i put her in her place and told her that it was not her money but her mom and I's money.
I decided from that point i was spoiling my daughter too much, we ended up taking away her latest iphone and replacing it with my old iphone 8 (by switching phones with me) with a talk and text plan . We took away her family credit car,sold her car, along with her macbook and other luxuries.
I also told her should would have to find a job without neopotism and work a minimum wage job like everyone else her age, because i'm done giving her handouts if shes gonna act entitled.
Fast forward 2 months later, she is working at a fast food resturant with us driving her around. She doesnt talk to me unless she needs something like a ride but is very upset with me.
My wife feels like i am taking this too far because its affecting her social status and grades and school I however feel like she needs to be humbled because i cant have a daughter who will disrespect people just because the amount of money they have. I also feel that her behaving this way will affect her younger sister (f12) and how she perceives the world.
I also like to add, we took away her MacBook but she still has access to the family computer in the house. Windows computer for school that is powerful (i7 and great gpu) and recently new
She still has wifi access at the house however we did throttle her speed because high speed internet is a privilege, she has fast enough internet to do homework and watch videos that aren’t in HD like Netflix and stuff.
She also isn’t failing, she went from a straight A student to mostly B’s and 2 A’s which I still find great.
AITA for punishing my 16-year-old step-daughter after we found out she was bullying a kid for being poor?
Definitely NTA, and I am proud you for standing up to your step daughter, and giving her a taste of what life is really like. You may just save her from that path to hell that she was on.
She acts very privileged and entitled from what you described. It is good for her to see how the other half lives, I am sure it is very eye opening for her. I would continue this path for at least a year, so she does not slide back. Hopefully, you will have a much more respectful and kind step daughter.
It really is too bad other parents don't do more stuff like this to their children, instead of spoiling them rotten and then wonder why they are in jail. Good for you.
NTA. It's important to teach your daughter the value of empathy and respect for others, regardless of their financial situation.
By holding her accountable for her actions and making her experience the consequences of her behavior, you are teaching her a valuable life lesson. It may be tough for her now, but in the long run, this will help her become a better person.
NTA, but you can let up. She got a minimum wage job like you wanted. The stuff she had is gone. But now her future is being affected and her grades are suffering.
You need a middle ground. Give her a reliable but not flashy car so she doesn't have to worry about driving to/from work. Pay for the car insurance and taxes, but have her pay for the gas, oil changes, and repairs. She doesn't need a MacBook, but she does need a good computer. She doesn't need the latest iPhone, but she does need a data plan.
Tbh, that's all you should have done in the first place. The family job, the flashy car and gadgets - those were all a huge mistake and never should have been given to her to begin with.