Mom with severe postpartum won't let 8 yo stepdaughter touch her baby. AITA?
When this struggling new mom alienates her stepdaughter after she gives birth, she asks Reddit:
"AITAH For refusing my let my stepdaughter touch/carry my son?"
Background: I had my first baby (BS) a year ago, the first few months postpartum for me were horrible. I had terrible anxiety and suffered some depression as well.
It was so bad that when my husband would bring the baby downstairs in the morning to let me get extra rest I would just lay in bed sobbing because he was so far away from me. My husband has an 8yo daughter (SD), whom he has primary custody of that BS loves.
Ok, my husband and I have been getting into this argument basically since BS was born. He feels I am putting a barrier between BS and SD and hurting their sibling bond because I don’t feel comfortable, and don’t allow SD to carry BS around.
I have explained multiple times to him the safety concerns I have regarding this issue and that is just does not make me feel comfortable.
As a compromise I do let her hold him, she plays with him whenever she actually wants to and I let her help him walk, holding his hands while he takes adorable wobbly steps.
I think these things are more than enough to “maintain their bond” while keeping him safe and not letting her carry him is such an insignificant thing when it comes to them having a relationship and have even cited my own relationships with my siblings, some older some younger and told him he will simply never understand the uniqueness of this kind of relationship because he is an only child.
He insists that I am an AH for not letting an 8 year old carry around a wiggly heavy 12 month old baby as well as for “rubbing in” that he (my husband) is an only child.
So AITAH? I don’t think I am but with how adamant he is I am second guessing myself.
FYI my HUSBAND is an only child. Throughout this post I constantly reference the sibling relationship and bond referring to my son and his sister whom she 100% is even if they only share 50% of their DNA with each other.
The fact that she is my stepdaughter has no bearing on my discomfort with her carrying him around. I wouldn’t trust any young child to carry my son. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
jadiejang writes:
NTA. I was raised in the 70s, when there were no seatbelts for kids in the back of the car, and we were turned out of the house every afternoon to terrorize the neighborhood with no adult supervision. And even THEN nobody would allow me to hold a baby unless I WAS SITTING DOWN, at least until I was 11.
little2ion writes:
NTA. I'm curious why your husband thinks the baby needs be carried by SD. It's not like you're incapable of doing so and it also sounds like the baby is starting to walk/is walking, so all the more reason to not carry them.
This honestly seems like a weird hill for him to die on. Like you said, they play together, she holds the baby while sitting. Is SD asking? It almost sounds like your husband is the more who wants this more than SD.
nopenothappenind99 writes:
NTA. It would be irresponsible to let an 8 year old carry around a baby unsupervised. Even a strong 8 year old would quickly be having trouble keeping a safe and secure hold for long.
Plus there is no actual need for SD to carry BS. If she wants to play with him they can play where they are or call on adult to relocate BS. Which should be easy as BS is too young to be unsupervised for long anyway.