Stepmom asks if it's OK to financially support her bio son, but not her stepkids.
When this stepmom is concerned about her finances, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not wanting to finance my husbands children’s life outside of our home?'
My husband and I have been married for just less than 1 year. We have been together for 7 years. We have children from previous relationships.
He has 3; 15 year old boy, 13 year old boy, and 12 year old girl. I have one; 8 year old boy. My son lives with us full time, his daughter spends every other weekend with us and his 2 sons live with there mom in a different state.
A little background, when we first got together, his kids were obviously much younger and my son was a baby. I pushed and asked for a relationship with his kids and their mothers but eventually stop pursuing the idea as it seemed as I was the only one interested in the possibility.
Fast forward to now, the kids are much older and I have zero relationship with their mothers (the boys have the same mom, his daughter has a different mother) and barely a relationship with his kids.
It’s not hostile or negative, it’s just not there. I’m pretty much invisible. It’s not ideal but it could be a lot worse.
In our home, I’m the breadwinner. It’s always been that way. I’m fortunate to have a great job, extremely supportive parents, and a very privileged upbringing. My paycheck pays 80% of our bills and all of our household living expenses, trips, and extras.
My parents are extremely involved with my son and he spends plenty of nights and weekends with them. We have a great relationship and the life my son has is nothing short of a blessing.
Here’s where the problem comes in… because we got married, I was expected to provide for the 3 other kids at the same level I provide for my son. This is coming from parents who have never made an effort to get to know me, my family, or be involved in our lives at any point, despite my attempts to do so.
At first, the request started off small and I was inclined to think that this may be the start of relationship building so I obliged.
And then it exploded. I was expected to pay their way for summer vacations, summer camps, new laptops, tvs, video games, sports team fees and equipment, you name it, I’ve been asked.
I finally put my foot down as my family is planning a reunion trip and I was expected to plan the dates around his kids availability AND finance the trip, about $1300 each. I said no. It was not pretty.
This year and every year for back to school my husband was tasked with buying the back to school supplies. Not a problem. I encouraged it. He provides financially for the kids through child support, weekly allowance, and whatever else comes up.
I’ve never had a problem with the money or with him providing for them. Never. The difference this year, all the kids want designer shoes and bags and are looking to me to make that purchase and I don’t want to.
In summary, AITA for not wanting to provide for mine based on the information above?
Let's find out.
24601moamo writes:
YTA and good luck with your divorce. Hope you have to pay child support. You married a man with kids. Step parenting isn't easy but you seem to think child support covers it. Seems like the entitled one here is you.
alaskanight writes:
NTA. I'm surprised it took you this long to resent the other parties involved. Your value to them is that of an open checkbook. Just wait until you expected to fund the college of their choice, expensive wedding and down payment on a house.
Also, you shouldn't be paying a 80% of the household bills. The wealth you accumulate shouldn't be gifted to anyone but to be used on yourself and your son. The husband should be paying an equal share, including the vacations.