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Woman shaves stepson's head; when mom picks him up she's furious. AITA?

Woman shaves stepson's head; when mom picks him up she's furious. AITA?


Parenting can become a delicate balance when it includes children from different parents.

One woman thought she had been respectful enough when her stepson wanted to shave off his shoulder-length hair. Turns out, his bio mom thinks she definitely crossed a line.

'AITA for shaving my stepson's long hair without his mom's permission?'


My husband I have 3 sons together (2/4/5) and I have 2 stepsons (10/13). We have 50/50 custody. I cut my kids hair myself and my stepsons get their haircut at a barber when their mom has custody, in the last few years my husband has occasionally taken them to get their haircut.

Wednesday afternoon I decided to give my 4 & 5 yr olds haircuts. The 10 yr old then asked if I would cut his hair too. His hair was currently shoulder length and he had been growing it for a while. He wanted me to give him a buzz cut.

I asked if he was sure and then texted his dad to make sure he was okay with it. My husband asked if I would wait till he came home so he could watch and record it. When he came home I shaved it and he was very happy with the result.

Yesterday his mom picked him up from school and saw his hair. She immediately called my husband and was p*$sed about the haircut.

Later in the evening she messaged me on IG to have a go at me and say I had no right cutting her sons hair without her permission and that it was a big change and I shouldn't have allowed him to do it impulsively. I didn't reply to her because I didn't want to feed into any drama. I thought stepson was happy with his haircut and that's all that really matters.

However, the more I think about it the more I'm unsure if she's right. If my son had a stepmom and came home from their house with a drastically different haircut I think I might have been upset too and possibly think that person crossed an unspoken boundary. AITA?

Here is what readers had to say:


NTA. You got the OK from his dad, and he is old enough to make his own decisions about his hair anyway. It would have been real weird for you to call his mom and ask after his dad already said to go ahead.


I'm assuming since bio mom reached out via insta, they don't have each other's phone numbers. So would that even be possible for OP? NTA.


NTA. Your stepson asked you to give him a buzz cut and you asked him if he was sure and got confirmation from his dad. It sounds like your stepson was very happy with the result and that should be the most important thing.

It's understandable that his mom was upset, but it's not like you made the decision without consulting anyone. You also didn't feed into any drama, which is always a good thing.


ESH. It sounds like your husband is starting drama by not co-parenting very well, and unfortunately, you're put in the middle.

You should have known it was a drastic change, and to the extent you want a positive co-parent relationship with the mom, you and your husband should start acting like it. Once you put yourself in the mom's shoes, you could see why she's upset and you would be, too.

So you should know better even if your husband wants to act like this is his prerogative to make unilateral decisions when he and the mom share 50/50 custody.


Soft YTA. She’s also his parent. You didn’t have to reach out to her, that is really on your husband as they are co-parenting together. However he should have talked to her about it before giving you the go ahead. And you should have confirmed with him that bio-mom was aware and had agreed to it.

I would say that it’s also easier for her to message you and offload her anger off at you rather than having that conversation with your husband.

The three of you should sit down for a conversation. Acknowledge her feelings and also set boundaries with her about directing her anger towards you. Not sure what the dynamics of co-parenting is here, but it seems like you are not at the place of communicating directly with her about parenting decisions.

The three of you should revisit guidelines going forward though as your 10 year old is quickly approaching the neonate phase. It helps to be a team rather than at odds with one another.


He's 10. It's a haircut. Anyone who is that concerned over it has the dumbest priorities. NTA.


YTA. I am a step mom, have been for 20 years. I never took him for a haircut without permission from BOTH parents. If one said no, it didn't happen.


Yes, you are the a**hole in this situation. You made a significant change to your stepson's appearance without his mother's consent, and that is not acceptable.

While it is understandable that you thought you were doing something nice for your stepson and that he was happy with the result, you should have considered the potential consequences of your actions.

Your stepson's mother has a right to be upset, and it is your responsibility as an adult and a step-parent to communicate and collaborate with her when it comes to decisions that affect her child's well-being.

Going forward, it would be best to apologize to her and work on building a better relationship with her for the sake of your stepson.

So do you think this stepmom stepped over the line when she picked up the scissors or did this situation escalate unnecessarily?

Sources: Reddit
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