Stepmom tells stepson 'we need to spend less time together.' AITA?
When this stepmom feels like her stepson is becoming too close, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my stepson that we need to spend less time together?'
My husband has a son(6) with a very unique woman. 3 years ago she lost primary custody of their son, because of her unique parenting. She’s only allowed strictly supervised visitation once a month. I’ve tried my best to fill in the role of his mom. For about 7 months, his behavior changed drastically.
He used to be like any other 4/5-year-old, but lately, he has been extremely clingy and attached to me. For example, he wants to sleep between us more and more, he is not really paying attention to his dad anymore and he wants to literally do everything with me.
We are also expecting and I haven’t told my stepson yet, because I’m unsure how he’ll react. I’m very worried his behavior will worsen if we don’t teach him how to be apart from me or share attention with a younger sibling.
.My sister’s friend, whom my husband isn’t very fond of, has also expressed concern. Her son also used to be like this, but he was 3. She told me to leave him with family for short periods of time so he’ll get used to being around people without his parents and to stop letting him have his way.
He was invited to a birthday party this coming Sunday, and usually, I stay with him, but I wanted him to be a bit more independent. I talked to him about it and said, that while he’s at the birthday I will be going to the hair salon. He whined and said he wanted me there and that I must be there. I responded by telling him that his dad will there.
He continued to whine that he wanted mommy and daddy to be there. I then told him that it will be good to be apart for a bit and that he’ll be a big boy soon. I then talked about him making new friends and how much fun it’ll be to play with new friends at the party, that he won’t even notice that I’m not there.
I finally told him that we need to spend less time together so he’ll grow to be strong and independent, that in the future he’ll be all grown up and won’t need me anymore.
He burst into tears and was inconsolable, no matter what I did he kept crying until his dad came home. My husband was in bed with him, until he fell asleep. My husband came out of my stepson’s room furious and accused me of telling his son that I didn’t want him anymore.
I of course tried to clarify that I didn’t say that at all, but he said he didn’t care what I said and that it came. across as me not wanting to parent his son anymore.
This is absolutely not the case and just wanted to help him have more time with his son. He’s been really cold to me for the past few days, I feel like he’s overreacting since his son was completely fine the following day. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
notadruhhie writes:
NTA, you have the correct intentions in mind. I will say that the kid needs help, but he had a tough upbringing and Im sure you welcomed him with love and support so he must be afraid that you will be taken from him like his actual mom was. You're not sending him away for a week to live with someone else, youre just dropping him off at his friends house for a couple hours.
slackerchic disagrees:
This is a 5 year old who does not have a mother figure in their life. He has taken to you, and wants to be with you. This is a blessing. You have a healthy child that needs nurturing. As the mother figure, it is your job to nurture him and show him stability.
Is your sister's friend a child psychologist? If not, then she is out of her pay grade and has no authority to be giving advice. The child is probably terrified that you will abandon him just like his biomom did.
And what are you suggesting as a result of his beautiful honesty? To abandon him. Girl! In his brain you DID say you didn't want him anymore. So your problem now is that you have a 5 year old that thinks 2 moms didn't want him.
I feel so sad for this child. He is NOT overreacting because he WAS abandoned! Your husband is cold to you bc you were cold to his child! You need to get some perspective here, and apologize to that little boy ASAP. If you are not ready to be his mother than don't be. But don't pretend that you are and then shirk the responsibility. YTA, btw.
wastepop writes:
YTA he needs therapy, not more abandonment. Your 'unique' parenting is a recipe for a lifelong debilitating mental illness. Put him in therapy with someone who specialises with abandonment and child traumas.