Stepmom turns down mother/son dance at stepson's wedding. AITA?
When this stepmom feels uncomfortable at her stepson's wedding, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for turning down a mother/son dance at my stepson's wedding?"
My husband has a son from a high school relationship. I've been married to my husband for 10 years. I get along well with his son but I've never really viewed him as my stepson due to our ages: I'm 37 and he's 28.
As I stated, we do get along and I have helped him with issues in the past by listening, giving advice when asked, giving support, helping him talk to his father, and stuff like that. More like a friend than a mother figure. For as long as I've been involved with my husband, his son has had minimal involvement with his mother.
His wedding is in a few months. I couldn't be happier for him and his fiancee. He and my husband were discussing the wedding over the weekend. His fiancee will be doing a father/daughter dance and he asked me to do a mother/son dance with him.
Admittedly I froze up for a moment because I was not expecting that. We just don't have that kind of relationship and I was unaware he saw it otherwise. I declined by saying I was honored he'd ask but that I thought it might be inappropriate and suggested that he could try asking his grandmother. He seemed to accept my answer but came off neutral over it.
Last night my husband brought it up again and said he was a bit disappointed in me and that his son is pretty hurt by it but neither wants to push the issue.
I feel bad for upsetting his son but at the same time I still feel like it'd be inappropriate to do the dance because I'm not his mother. I've never had a maternal role in his life. Am I missing something here or was I in the wrong for declining to do the dance? AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
iamlegend writes:
YTA. It's a dance that clearly means something to him, despite you not thinking of him as your son, he sees you as his mother.
bignathaniel disagrees:
NAH, I actually think that’s valid. You clearly have cared about him and been there when he needed it, but you were not his mother.
He seems to have some maternal feelings around you, but you don’t have them for him. Which is fine. As long as you reiterate your love and that you’ll be there all the same to support him and continue to support him, I think things should be ok.
You still showed him compassion and support when it mattered, but I think your feelings are valid. But his are too. Maybe this could give you a different perspective on what a mother figure can mean to someone. But it’s up to you.
greeneyedkilla writes:
YTA. It's just a dance, and you basically chose to damage your relationship because you are offended by an implied title. I have the feeling this is about the ages involved and you not wanting to appear old enough to be his bio mom, rather than the quality of your relationship, but ... problem solved. He definitely won't be leaning on you in the future.