Mom offers to buy stepdaughter's wedding dress; 'they can't afford her dream dress.'
When this stepmother is feeling attacked, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for offering to buy my Stepdaughter a wedding dress?'
I have a 21 year old stepdaughter who i've been in the life of since she was 2 years old when I began to date her father and when she was 5 I became her stepmother. My husband and his ex-wife live in the same town so my stepdaughter would always alternate houses every week and despite her being an adult now we're still close.
She is marrying her boyfriend of five years in May. I know for a fact that they can't afford to get her dream dress as she's talked to me about it, I have a good job and I love her like she's my own daughter so I told her i'd buy her whatever dress she wanted as my wedding gift to her.
My husband was there when I made the offer and had no problem with it so that isn't a concern the issue however came up when her mother found out. She came round demanding to know where I got off offering to buy her daughter a wedding dress and that I had no right to do this and what if she'd wanted to buy the dress?
I did feel bad about this and suggested we each pay half of the dress but she isn't happy with this and said she can't afford the kind of dress I could and now i've gotten my stepdaughters hopes up for any dress she wants.
I suggested that she just pay what she is comfortable paying and i'd cover the rest and she can just assume her Mother and I went half on it but this was also shot down. My husband asked her what exactly she expected then and she thinks I should withdraw the offer entirely.
Obviously i'm not going to do that as i'm not going to be letting my stepdaughter down but I don't know how else I can make this right.
My husband ended up kicking his ex-wife out of our house and calling her unreasonable and that she should remember this isn't about her but I feel guilty over upsetting her.
I didn't think it was out of line to offer this as i've been part of my stepdaughters life for 19 years. Was I out of line with this? I am worried this could cause drama on the day.
Let's find out.
thepandrammer writes:
NTA. Bio mom is jealous and her selfishness is only hurting her daughter. I would suggest considering not paying for the dress but instead giving a check “towards the wedding” that way it can be used for the dress while hopefully lessening the drama.
Thanks for taking this girl under your wing and loving her like she is your own. There’s many of us out there that wish we had a step mom like you!
pauscha580 agrees:
NTA, NTA, NTA. You could try to give a day or two and then offer again to the mom to pay what she can. If she reacts horribly again just buy the dress. What kind of mom is more concerned with her own appearance than the happiness of her child?