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Woman asks if she was wrong to pry into details of cousin's stillbirth.

Woman asks if she was wrong to pry into details of cousin's stillbirth.


It's exciting to be pregnant! But what if your cousin is also pregnant? And what if that cousin also experienced a stillbirth a while back? When this woman faces this exact scenario, she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:

'AITA for asking my cousin a question surrounding her stillbirth?'

My (26F) cousin (Tia, 24F) experienced a stillbirth in the latter part of last year (around 6 months ago). I was heartbroken for her, and supported her through the grieving process in any way I could, and the two of us became extremely close as a result of this.

Last week, Tia announced that she and her husband are expecting again, they chose to wait until three months to announce, due to Tia's anxieties surrounding the pregnancy.

I, having recently found out I was expecting (we have decided to wait a while to announce to the family - due to Tia's grief, I want to be there to support her entirely through the process, before telling any family.

It means that now, due to wanting to wait until she has given birth and the baby is a little older, we won't be announcing until near enough my due date, we're currently considering a 'secret pregnancy' in order to ensure everyone's attentions are focussed on her, and her sweet baby).

The pregnancy does, however, mean I have been doing research, my husband and I want to have a few children with relatively small age gaps.

I asked, a little in shock, if the same recommendations of waiting a year to 18 months between pregnancies applied to her situation, a thoughtless comment that I regret deeply.

She immediately left my house, blocked me on everything and had her husband do the same. I apologised via a handwritten letter delivered to her address, along with a basket of some self care items to look after herself, knowing she must be riddle with anxiety.

I've since had aunts, uncles and other cousins calling up to abuse me, saying I am TA, to leave her alone and that most of our family want nothing to do with me now, as I have 'made Tia feel ashamed for having another baby so soon' and have accused me of implying that 'Tia is replacing her baby in heaven'.

I never implied that, and apologised as soon as I could, knowing that the comment was wrong, and I have told Tia I will give her her distance to grieve and process her feelings, but I am always available as a shoulder to cry on.

While Tia has acknowledged my apology, and said she just needs some time to process, her family will not stop abusing me, one has even gone as far as speaking to my workplace in order to 'tell them that they have someone heartless' working for them.

Over the course of the last week, I have been signed off sick from work with anxiety, and my morning sickness has worsened to the point that I am on the brink of being hospitalised, as a result of my family's acts. I know I was TA for my comment, but after my apology and Tia's acceptance, AITA?

Well, let's see what Reddit had to say.

substansi777 writes:

NTA OP!. Tia is a major ah for letting her family abuse her and not stepping for her even when she was stepped for the whole time. She accidentally made an insensitive comment that she obviously regrets but she has no heart to tell her family to back off even after acknowledging her apology.

photosbeechandteach writes:

YTA OP! ESH, except for Tia. Your question was thoughtless and unnecessary. Her situation had no bearing on yours and you didn’t need the information to make decisions about yourself.

blablabla877 writes:

Tia is an AH. I’m sorry, but it was a harmless medical question, where OP instantly apologized. Yes, she put her foot in her mouth, which is something everyone does as some point. But running out crying, blocking her on everything, then having family members harass her to the point they are calling her job, is INSANE.

She’s an AH for allowing it all to continue, and she doesn’t get a pass because of her trauma. You don’t get to be horrible to people because something awful happened to you.

Well, there you have it. Jury is out. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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