'AITA for living with my dad because he can afford a much better life than my mom?'
"AITA for living with my dad because he can afford a much better life for me than my mom?"
My (15F) mom always told me that my dad left as soon as he found out that my mom was pregnant. When I was two, my mom married a man who has three kids (currently 21M, 19M, and 17F).
My stepdad was the only father figure I ever knew and when I was younger I wanted him to be my dad. But he never accepted me. I also have four half siblings (12F, 9F, 9M, and 7M).
My stepsister is definitely the favorite out of us older kids. It often seems like my stepdad only cares about her and the younger ones. My mom and stepdad don’t have a lot of money so it’s pretty cramped. I have to share a room with my half-sisters.
I always have to wear my stepsister’s hand me downs and we live in a sh*tty neighborhood so I go to a sh*tty school. Sometimes we don’t even have enough food.
About a year ago, a woman contacted me on Instagram and told me that she thinks I might be her husband’s daughter because he was dating my mom a few months before I was born. She told me that my mom ghosted my dad shortly after she got pregnant and moved to a different state.
He tried to find her but he couldn’t. I didn’t believe her at first but after she sent me a picture of my mom and her husband I decided to ask my mom. She confessed and told me that she left my dad because she didn’t want to commit to a relationship.
I continued talking to my dad and stepmom and they decided to come visit me. After I told him what it’s like at home he told me that he would fight for custody and the court would probably listen to me if I said I wanted to live with him.
I wasn’t sure at the time because I didn’t want to just abandon my mother. I told him I would think about it and let him know.
After thinking about it I decided that I’d rather live with him. My stepmom always wanted kids but she’s infertile and she already loves me a lot even though we’ve only met a few times.
They also have lot more money than my mom so I could have my own room and new clothes and I could go to a much better school. I know my reasons are really selfish but I would have a much better life with him.
After I told him, he went to court and got primary custody of me. My mom’s been giving me the silent treatment ever since but yesterday when I was packing she yelled at me and called me selfish for abandoning her and my little siblings as soon as my dad showed up and said that if my dad loved me so much he should have tried to find me earlier.
I think she’s the selfish one. She kept me away from my dad for the first 14 years of my life. Honestly, I think she’s just mad because she won’t have anyone to watch her kids anymore and because my dad’s been paying her $1000 every month since he found me and she won’t have that anymore.
Everyone except my younger half brother and stepbrother is acting like I don’t exist. My dad is going to pick me up on Sunday and honestly I can’t wait. The whole situation is way to complicated to explain in 3000 characters so feel free to ask me to clarify things in the comments.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. Your mom stole you from your father and a relationship you never got to build. It sounds like you feel neglected in your current living situation.
Go and build a relationship with your birth father and don’t worry about what your step/half siblings think, they’re probably jealous because this whole thing sounds like some Cinderella story.
Right? Your mom is the selfish one cutting ties with your bio dad and disappearing because she wasn’t ready for a committed relationship when she got pregnant. She took away your shot of having your dad in your life. He wasn’t around because of her. Get to know your dad, formulate a relationship with he and his wife and don’t feel guilty. If anyone should feel guilty, it’s your mom. NTA.
NTA. You are 15. You can choose to live where you want. Your mother ran away from your father because she was afraid of a committed relationship and then lied to you about it for your entire life, and she has the nerve to call you selfish?
I think you are right - she is angry that she is losing her live-in babysitter. I think she is also has a bruised ego because you chose him instead of her. But what did she expect? She’s been lying to you your entire life and has stuck you with a stepfather that doesn’t care about you. Also, the court would not have given him primacy custody without good reason. You do what you need to do for you.
NTA, but be ready for a big change. I'm not saying it won't be better it may very well be, but after the honeymoon period wears off it's going to hit how big of a change this is for everyone. They're your family but they are still strangers and it's going to be a challenge. You got this though. Your mom is hurt, but she made choices and there are consequences to those choices.
NTA, I would suggest you ask your dad if he would take you to therapy and maybe dad and stepmom could go with you to family counseling. This is an exciting change for everyone, but it’s a huge adjustment. Having someone who specializes in family relationships walk with you the first few months will help.
Also, you will need tools to deal effectively with mom and all your siblings. This is a lot for a teenager. So a counselor can help you work through this.
NTA. How did your step mom find you on Instagram seeing that your dad never knew you existed?
OP responded
He did know I existed and my stepmom had seen a picture of my mom. She was bored one day and was looking at her followers’ followers. We were both following someone and at the time my profile picture was me and my mom.
My account is public and I’ve posted pictures of my mom. She showed my dad’s sister, who confirmed that it was my dad’s ex-girlfriend based on the pictures and my last name.