'AITA for telling a girl her presence offends me then asking her to leave?'
"AITA for telling a girl her presence offends me then asking her to leave?"
My ex (Josh-18m) and I (18f) have a one-year-old child together. He’s a good parent and all, but we don’t really mesh well. After a while, all we’d do was fight and we decided to break up. Before we started dating, there was this girl, Zoe.
Apparently, Zoe and Josh never dated but everyone insists that they would’ve had she not moved away. One of the first things Josh’s friends said to him when we broke up was “you should call Zoe up!”
I’ve heard plenty of how perfect they are for each other. She’s super pretty too. I’ll admit, she was another reason we broke up. Even though she moved hours and hours away, her and Josh would still talk. Nothing ever happened but you know.
She moved back into the area some weeks ago and I haven’t seen Josh this happy in a long time. Our daughter’s birthday was soon and we agreed on doing birthdays together and Josh asked if Zoe could be there since all of our friends were coming.
I was going to say no but I technically had no reason to. She‘s been super nice to me and our daughter and it’s not like Josh and I are together anymore. She came and everyone’s attention was on her.
Many of them hadn’t seen her in years and well like I said, she’s very pretty. My daughter obviously didn’t care but I felt that everyone was being a bit rude. Even Josh’s dad was like “wait...you’re THE Zoe?!”
And talked to her for ages saying how glad he was to finally meet her. Don’t get me wrong, everyone was super sweet to my daughter and my daughter really likes Zoe. But she was the main topic the WHOLE time.
My mom noticed this too and kept trying to turn the attention to my daughter. When she gave up, I got really upset. Everyone went out to the backyard and Josh had our daughter. Zoe stayed behind for whatever reason.
She started telling me how cute my daughter is. I wasn’t in the mood though so I just replied with mhms. She noticed and was like “did I do something to offend you?”
She looked at me like I was crazy and I was so over it. I told her that her whole presence offends me and that I’m tired of hearing about her all the time. I then asked her to please leave.
I heard her call me a b**ch but she just quickly whispered something to Josh then left. Now EVERYONE is mad at me because Zoe said she doesn’t feel welcome. My parents are the only ones on my side but idk how reliable that is considering. Please be honest, AITA here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PsiBlaze wrote:
YTA She did NOTHING to you. You were unforgivably rude to her, for reasons that are purely internal.
[deleted]
YTA, and you're letting your jealousy show. Of course people are going to be more interested in an adult who they've heard a lot about vs a little kids birthday
tjrowaway134 OP:
Logically I know you’re right. I can see how I’m the asshole. It just felt really shitty hearing everyone talk to and about her. I’ve always sort of been under her shadow, even when me and Josh were together. His friends never really accepted me and this whole time I thought his dad was just awkward.
Turns out, I just wasn’t Zoe because even his dad, who had only ever heard about her, had given her more attention than he had ever given me. I do sound jealous, I know I do. I just don’t know how else to feel about it.
I do want to acknowledge that, despite your youth, you’ve responded really well to people’s judgements. You are a very young mother, so you’ve had to grow up quicker than most teens your age, but you sound like you’re mature enough to handle people’s judgements and listen to their reasoning.
I just wanted to applaud you on that, because that’s definitely not the norm in this sub. Good luck and congrats on your baby’s first birthday.
Weekly-Bumblebee6348 wrote:
ESH. It would have been amazing if you had the grace to endure that party and express your feelings later. Your mom sucks for fueling your insecurities. Everyone else sucks for letting your daughter's b-day party turn into the 'Welcome Back, Zoe!' event.
YTA. She didn't actually do anything to deserve to be sent away. It's not crazy for people to talk about someone among them who has just moved back.
Are there some unresolved feelings or issues towards your ex? If so, it sounds like it would be good to give those things a place to be able to co-parent well. If not, there could still be some reason why you felt like you had to act this way, it could be good to explore that.
tjrowaway134 OP:
I don’t really feel much for Josh anymore. Its more of me realizing that everyone was right and Josh and Zoe are perfect for each other.
Then at the party Josh was holding our girl and Zoe was playing with her while I got a drink and my mom came up to me and told me that I need to watch out for girls like her. I suppose my mom really wasn’t doing me any favours.
OP, I'm sorry your mother chose to take the low road of 'support.' Your responses to these comments shows more maturity than most 'adults' on some of these other posts. May life get better for you as you find better, stronger supporters in your corner.
angeltay wrote:
ESH. Yea you weren’t nice, but I feel like everyone is missing that this was supposed to be your daughter’s birthday party and it turned into a party for this girl. I would’ve just asked him to take care of the baby til the party was over and excused myself.
Malibucat48 wrote:
NTA You had a baby at 17 with a boy who spent his time talking about another girl and not paying attention to you or his child. Then he brings her to your baby’s first birthday and the focus is on her not your daughter.
You don’t owe her anything and anyone who says you do is out of line. It is hard enough being a teen mom without having to deal with your ex’s fling. It doesn’t matter if she is pretty or nice, she is not part of your baby’s life and should not have been at the party in the first place.
You can’t stop him from having her around when he has your daughter but you definitely don’t have to have her at your house.