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MIL calls DIL selfish for not accommodating her family's Thanksgiving tradition.

MIL calls DIL selfish for not accommodating her family's Thanksgiving tradition.


When this MIL is upset, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for Getting My Turkey Feathers Ruffled?'

My daughter-in-law messaged to say that she, son and granddaughter would be too busy to come to my house for Thanksgiving becasue they would be attending two get-togethers on her side of the family.

She then went on, asking me to move my planned T-Day meal to the following Monday or Tuesday. She followed that up with a request for me to invite her friend, friend's boyfriend, and friend's 5-yr old daughter (who's a rather unruly and undisciplined wild child).

I responded that I was disappointed and hurt by her message. Her response was to tell me that they could come to my dinner - after the other two get-togethers - but they'd alreaedy be full, grumpy, and granddaughter would be poorly-behaved.

FWIW: My son and I have a great relationshnip. Due to their work schedules, I babysit nearly every single weekend for them. My granddaughter loves coming to my house and is a really bright, happy, and well-behaved four-year old.

I love preparing the big holiday meals and it has always been our family's tradition. And, as a senior singleton, spending holidays with family and preparing our traditionals eats means a lot to me, especially as I'm not getting any younger. Without them coming, I will be spending Thanksgiving alone.

Moving the holiday meal just doesn't feel right under these circumstances, and fixing the big meal on Thanksgiving Day seems a waste if they're going to show up after attending two other holiday meals. My daughter-in-law thinks I'm being unreasonable.

AITA for getting my feathers ruffled and calling her out on her unwillingness to balance holiday time between her family and my son's, and to accomodate the traditions important to both sides, as selfish and inconsiderate of her?

Let's find out.

bringbackbowie writes:

NTA. You are not being unreasonable. It’s an unfortunate situation, and I empathize with you. Spending Thanksgiving alone instead of with your loved ones can be a lonely and depressing way to spend the holiday…I will be doing it myself this year. Again.

If I may make a suggestion: please don’t sit at home all alone. Find an organization to volunteer with for the day. A church or community center that will be feeding the homeless or simply less fortunate.

It’s been a brutal year and there will be a lot of people that cannot afford a Thanksgiving dinner on their own. There will no doubt be quite a few organizations in your area looking for volunteers.

I have personally found it is better for my mental health to get out of the house and be of service on holidays instead of being lonely at home.

apterryaustreus writes:

NTA. I don’t think that her asking if Thanksgiving dinner could be moved is too big of an ask (you don’t have to if you don’t want to though, that’s totally up to you either way).

Personally, I’m not married to the idea that holidays have to be celebrated on the exact day. That’s just me though.

The thing that makes her the AH is her wanting to invite the other people to your house as her response to asking you to change the date.

I totally get why you’d call it off after she wanted to bring the gang to your place. That seems quite inconsiderate of her.

Reading the other comments, I feel bad that they didn’t think about the fact that you’d be alone.

Looks like OP is NTA. But is the DIL? What do YOU think this family should do to compromise?

Sources: Reddit
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