Man asks if he is wrong to refuse to pay biological son's tuition.
Being a parent is difficult for everyone, but what if you aren't technically a parent? Is it ever your responsibility to care for a child that you biologically parented but didn't raise? When this man donates his sperm to his wife's friends and then is forced to meet his 'son' years later, he takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:
'AITA for not wanting to pay my biological sons tuition?'
When I (40m) was about 22, my wife (38f) was friends with a married couple, both currently 40f, who wanted to have a baby but didnt want to deal with the costs of using a sperm donor agency. My wife suggested I donate my sperm, and they agreed but made me sign a paper giving away any and all parental rights to the kid. -nealshusterfan
Interesting. OP goes on...
I had no issue with this as at the time I wasnt looking to be a parent. It took a couple of tries but using a turkey baster they were able to get pregnant using my donated sperm. They moved away before the baby was born, and my wife kept in contact with them but they were more her friends than mine and I never met the kid.
Fair enough. Then...it gets weird.
They send pictures of him from time to time, and he does look a little like me but I had no desire to pursue a relationship with him. Fast forward to now when my wife told me her friends wanted me to meet their son. I agreed because I figured why not, and she set up the date. We met up with them and i met their kid (18M) for the first time.
I'm nervous now...
He seemed like a good person and i wouldnt mind getting to know him more but honestly i didnt feel any sort of father son connection to him. after a while they let me know the true reason they were here- they couldnt afford for him to go to the college he wanted to go to. They asked me to pay his tuition which was upwards of 50k. I said no immediately.
Wowwww OP. Not sure if this guys the AH or not...
They got upset and started saying that as his father I had a responsibility to make sure he got a good education but I responded by saying that I had signed over my parental rights per their request and therefore had no responsibility towards him. They got upset and left. they’ve been calling and texting my wife ever since to get me to change my mind but ive remained firm.
Good for you! I think...
My wife and I have two kids of our own to put through college and I can’t be paying another kids tuition. I do feel bad because he seemed like an alright kid. AITA?
Well, let's find out.
Omfg NTA. Is that paper you signed notarized? you need to maybe contact your lawyer to ensure that you have no rights to this kid whatsoever. But also poor kid! His parents tried to use him as a device to guilt trip you, which is 400% the AH move. -bwtchykwn399
UMMMMM. NTA. I just wanted to point out that if all the documents was done legally op is only the sperm donor. Just like present times sperm donors is just that a sperm donor and doesn't have any obligation towards said child. Same goes for surrogate that carries the child. -smartspace1045
I'm not so sure. The only way I could see this happen would be if (1) he had a child support order against him, and (2) he hadn't actually paid through usual channels (maybe trying financial shenanigans for other reasons), and so couldn't prove that he had ever actually paid. -Allshallbewell
NTA. Just because your sperm was used, doesn't make him your son. You didn't raise him, didn't care for him, you just did a favour and helped them out. You also signed papers saying that you weren't going to do any parental duties for the kid. They cannot make you pay for their kid when he isn't yours. -picassopaws