Widow of 'broken man' called 'disgusting' by fam when she remarries right away. AITA?
When this widow is under fire for remarrying quickly, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for re-marrying quickly after my husband’s passing?"
I (33F) lost my husband of 12.5 years last summer to S******. We had 4 kids together. He was a great guy. He loved me and his kids well. But as my therapist stated to me, he was a very broken man, and towards the end I was really not happy about our relationship, but I was hopeful because he was scheduled to get therapy. He just didn’t make it to that appointment.
So I was left with 4 kids and myself. My parents let us move in with them until we could get a new normal. I knew the statistics about kids whose parent chose what their dad did.
I felt the desire to at least see what was out there. I’d heard horror stories about the dating world these days and curiosity got the best of me. I downloaded a dating app not expecting anything to come of it, but I matched with a guy and we hit it off right away.
This was only just over a month after my late husband’s passing. We decided to just be friends even though we felt much stronger than just friendship, we felt that was the best thing to do. A month after that I met another man and after a little while I realized he was everything I needed.
He was strong, smart, decisive, a real Christian (didn’t just say he was, but actually studied the Bible, prayed, lived by God’s word)
He was able to give insight about issues I was having with my sons and even in my own life. I saw a huge change in myself and my kids after introducing them all.
We decided to pursue the relationship knowing that marriage was what we both wanted. I had extreme guilt. I felt bad for my in laws. I knew I was disappointing my family because they told me. People at church were mostly supportive. The ones that weren’t didn’t voice it to me.
We dated for 7 months then got married. It tore my family apart. My dad hasn’t spoken to me in 10 months. My mom is just trying to get everything back together, but it’s been hard. I had to set some serious boundaries with them because they were so upset with me despite how happy, healthy, and thriving we are. I feel like I’m being punished for living and moving on. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
kaleisdoscopecoverw writes:
YTA. Starting a relationship a month after your husband's sudden death, with a wedding following seven months after his death, has not given you any time to process your grief. You have just jumped into a new relationship on the rebound, and from the outside some people probably suspect you were having an affair before the death.
I notice you don't say anything about how your children feel about the situation, which is odd. You should have considered their feelings more than you seem to.
dmforopinions writes:
NTA. I dont see what waiting does. Also if he was an addict he was not really there for you or the family anyways. I have seen husbands talk before their death about how they wanted their wives to find someone new fast.
I think that is a good way, those who say the widdow should wait usually are just run by their own pride or false moral standards (they usually dont even keep themselves, so they love to pretend they are mad about others).
cancelghost writes:
YTA. Mainly because you don't even mention how your kids feel about you being remarried far to quick. They have not had time to grieve. I suspect your children are Not as happy healthy and thriving as you think.
Don't expect family to just come round to this. Your Dad has already disowned you Your Mother is struggling and you family is rightly angry with you.