I (M37) have a daughter (now 13) 'Olivia' from my former relationship. Currently, I'm married to my wife who has a daughter (16) 'Britney.' So, Britney is the opposite of Olivia. for example, Britney s a social kid, Olivia is introvert. the list is long but they're just the complete opposite.
Olivia's 13th birthday was 2 days ago. She loves chocolate and I decided this is the flavor I was going to go with when I contacted the bakery. However, my wife objected since Britney absolutely hates chocolate and suggested we go with Vanilla.
I said no way because for one, Olivia hates vanilla and it's also her birthday so, she gets to have her cake with her favorites flavor. My wife got upset and took it as in I had no regard for Britney and that we should just choose another neutral flavor instead.
I shut that down and said no more discussing this because I'd already decided to go with what Olivia wanted.
At the day of the birthday, I was supposed to go get the cake but I was surprised to see my wife coming home after picking up the cake from the bakery. I looked at it and discovered that it wasn't a chocolate cake but a vanilla cake with small pieces of chocolate on top.
I got pissed thinking they got my order wrong and was about to contact them, but my wife said there was no mistake and that she called the bakery the day before and made 'slight changes' to the cake to please both girls.
I was stunned I lost it on her and asked why the hell she did that. She got defensive saying that birthdays are no 'excuse' to show favoritism and that her daughter is 'watching' and 'observing' how I'm treating both girls. I told her off since I was the one paying then called the bakery and explained what happened.
I had the cake returned and replaced with a chocolate cake. although this one is smaller but it was fine.
My wife declined to take part in the celebration and later we got into a huge argument where she called me controlling and selfish for returning the cake instead of using this opportunity to teach Olivia to compromise so everyone's happy. now I'm teaching her to be 'selfish'.
I said that my daughter gets to act 'selfish' on her birthday and that she (my wife) was teaching her daughter to be entitled. Word for word and it led to a bigger argument. We're not talking as of now.
AITA for returning the cake and not taking my wife's input into consideration?
Here's what people are saying:
NTA. It’s Olivia’s birthday, not Britney’s birthday. The cake should be the flavor of the birthday kid. This is a special day for Olivia, therefore there doesn’t really need to be “fairness” between your daughters.
Your wife is an a**hole for going behind your back. Why can’t Britney learn to compromise? She’s older. And she should know that she can’t get what she wants on a day that’s NOT her birthday.
The wife is also an AH for declining to take part in the celebration when she didn't get her way. What a manipulative and selfish person.
NTA. Your wife is projecting onto you, because she is the one showing favoritism. You signed up for this, OP. You signed your daughter up for this. Welcome to the wind-up.
NTA. Your wife is bonkers. Everyone is entitled to special treatment on their birthday. Your wife is acting entitled.
ESH. Why on earth can the two of you not find a solution?? You get your daughter’s cake and she can buy a pack of vanilla cupcakes for those who don’t like chocolate. WTF is wrong with everyone??
Your daughters are learning by how you act towards each other. You and your spouse are not a team. You’re team Olivia and she’s team Britney. There is no cohesion. Work on that.
NTA but why doesn’t anyone get half and half cakes anymore. Half chocolate half vanilla = everyone’s happy. There you go! Is the wife TA? Is everyone wrong, and they should have gotten two cakes? Poor kids...