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Husband calls wife 'crazy' for sending 3yo to performance without them. UPDATED

Husband calls wife 'crazy' for sending 3yo to performance without them. UPDATED


Blending families can mix up some feelings.

One woman was making and effort to go out of the way to be supportive of her stepdaughter, her husband's 10-year-old from a previous marriage. She wanted to attend her choir performance. However, their 3-year-old had a dance recital on the same night. This OP thought it was reasonable to have her parents attend the recital and film it while she went to support her 10-year-old stepdaughter at her recital. Her husband thought this was absolutely insane. The whole affair brought up an underlining feeling that her husband valued their daughter over his older daughter from a previous marriage.

'AITA for telling my husband he's being a bad father?'


I 30 female am married to my husband Jack 37 male for 3 years. We have a daughter together Hannah 3 and my step daughter Ashley (his daughter from a previous relationship) is 10.

Hannah started dance classes this year. This is her first year performing at a recital and we were all very excited. We had tickets for all 3 shows (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and couldn’t wait to watch her perform.

Ashley found out earlier this week she’d be performing for her school chorus. The girl who originally was going to do it got sick. Ashley's performance was Sunday, at the same time as Hannah’s dance recital that night.

Ashley told me how it would mean a lot to her if we went. So I worked it out with the dance school that Hannah would go the recital that night with my parents and Jack and I would go watch Ashley performance.

I would have pulled Hannah from dance but I was afraid she would want to sing during Ashley’s performance and Ashley shouldn't be able to have her own moment.

When I told my husband he was so upset. He said he wanted to be there for all of Hannah’s performances and we shouldn’t be pawning her off on my parents. I said my parents were going to the show anyway and her best friend's mom will help her with the costume (I helped her daughter the day prior).

He said I was crazy if I thought sending our 3 year old without us was a good idea. She’s stayed with her grandparents and gone to do things with them before.

I told him he was being stupid and that Ashley needed her dad too. He refused to go and went with Hannah and told me to meet him at the dance recital. I went to Ashley’s performance instead.

While I was there I was saying hello to Ashley’s mother and ended up finding out Jack never answered her about if he could bring her new black shoes. Ashley didn’t realize until today the ones at her moms house were too small (doesn’t wear them often) and I didn’t want her to feel different from the other kids.

Luckily I got there early and there’s a shoe store down the street so I went to buy some and told her mom to keep them there so she has a pair at both houses now.

When I went home my husband and I got into a huge argument. He said I let down Hannah and she was sad. I told him to keep in mind she’s 3 she ALWAYS wants us and then forgets about it in 5 minutes when she sees something else she wants.

I told him he needs to remember we have another child to also think about not just Hannah. I told him he was an awful father for not showing up for Ashley and for not even mentioning she needed shoes.

Even if he wasn’t going the least he could do was bring her the shoes. Him and I are still arguing and he’s sleeping on the couch. He won’t even talk to me and honestly I don’t want to talk to him either.

I feel like I might have crossed the line calling him a bad father. I was really angry. AITA?

Less than an hour later, the OP returned:


I just realized I didn’t say why the shoes were mentioned. He asked me what that charge was for and when I told him he was mad I bought shoes for her mothers house. He said he pays enough in child support and buy her things for our house so it’s ridiculous.

A short update, but the next morning, the OP returned again:


This morning Jack and I took the girls out for breakfast. During breakfast Jack was telling Ashley about Hannah dance recitals. Ashley wasn’t able to make the recitals because she had practice for chorus the other two nights.

Ashley asked if that’s why he missed her singing and Jack said yes. Ashley said her mom recorded it and maybe we could all watch it together one night so he could see.

Jack made a comment about her mother. I didn’t hear exactly what he said but by Ashley’s reaction and his face I could tell it wasn’t kind. Ashley then went to the bathroom and I told him to cut the comments and that it wasn’t necessary. I went to check on Ashley and she was crying.

So I texted Jack and told him I was taking both the girls out for the day until he could figure out an apology to Ashley. I told him the same way he wouldn’t want someone talking about him or I to Hannah he shouldn’t be doing that to Ashley’s mother. He could either get therapy and apologize to his daughter or I’d be going to my parents when I get home after taking the girls out.

When I got the girls in my car I called Ashley’s mom and picked her up. The 4 of us will be at the amusement park today.

Jack has been texting me apologizing all morning. I’ve already told him I’m not the person he needs to apologize to.

The OP updated again a few days later:


Ashley decided she wanted to stay at her moms house last night which I totally understood. Her mom also kept Hannah overnight for me so that Jack and I could talk about what happened with Ashley without either of the girls over hearing anything.

I showed my husband this post and he cried reading through everyone’s responses. He’s opened his eyes to seeing that the favoritism is obvious to not only the girls but to everyone else. We talked about therapy and he’s agreed to go.

We found a place that will actually do a family therapy where Jack, myself, and Ashley’s mom can have sessions together (Ashley’s mom also thinks it’s a great idea) and we can have the girls go as well but individually with just them and the therapist to talk.

Blended families aren’t always easy to navigate and we want both the girls to also receive the benefits of having someone outside the family unit to confide in.

This morning my husband decided he wanted to call Ashley to apologize. I told him it really should be done in person to seem genuine and he should call her first and be prepared if she’s not ready to talk to him yet and if she doesn’t want to accept his apology at this time.

This way Ashley can decide when she’s ready to speak to someone who’s hurt her feelings.Once Ashley is out of school he will call her and see if she’d like to hear his apology. If she does and accepts his apology we’ll be watching her performance recording.

Jack is also going to be apologizing to her mom for the comment that was made and ask if she’d like to do more family outings or dinners with us. He thinks it’ll be good for Ashley to also see them getting along which I think is a great idea.

Here are the highest rated comments from readers:


NTA. He's punishing Ashley for being his ex-wive's daughter. Thank you for standing up for her. You're being a better parent to Ashley than he is.


NTA. Hannah is 3 years old. She's not going to remember that dance recital ever happened. Ashley will never forget that her dad went out of his way to not attend her show and let her down. Does your husband have a problem with Ashley?

On the bright side, she'll also remember you went the extra mile to be there and grab those shoes last minute.


NTA. Hannah had recitals three nights in a row and you were at two of them! But Ashley had a performance on just one night and your husband let her down. Your solution made sense and it’s sad that you’re doing more for your stepdaughter than your husband is. Does he have a pattern of neglecting Ashley for Hannah?


NTA. He was being a bad father. Does he have a pattern in showing favoritism to Hannah?

The OP responded here:


He does when they argue a little because she’s “the baby” but I always pull him aside and remind him that just because she’s the baby doesn’t mean she’s right or not doing something wrong.

So, do you think the OP is being unreasonable or possibly overcompensating? Or, does her husband need to reevaluate how he prioritizes their children?

Sources: Reddit
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