Woman threatens to 'starve' husband and BIL if they don't agree to wash dishes. AITA?
When this woman is fed up with her husband and BIL, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to make dinner for my husband and BIL unless the dishes are washed?'
I (29F) and husband (28M) recently allowed his brother (27M) to move in with us. We all work full time and the same hours M-F with an occasional Saturday.
I'm self employed, so I'm able to make my hours flexible if needed - which I do on Tuesdays to do my husband's and I's laundry early in the morning before I go to work and Wednesdays to do our towels and his brothers laundry.
We do not own a washer and dryer at home, so I take our laundry to do elsewhere on those days - which I honestly do not mind at all. Note that his brother is paying $100/week and I told him that that would include me doing his laundry weekly.
I do all the stopping at grocery stores on my own before picking them up from work - which also cuts into my work days (we currently only have 1 vehicle and his brothers car is down so I'm the main transportation for everyone).
At home, I clean up after our dog of any bathroom messes he's made during the day while we're away and fix his food. I also ensure all the common spaces are neat and tidy.
When I cook dinner (I am the only one who cooks), I want the sink to be empty. When I do cook, I ensure that the kitchen is properly cleaned after and I make sure all the pots/pans, utensils, and plates/bowls are rinsed with no residue left behind for easy cleaning for the next person.
I've recently started getting complaints that, 1. They're tired of doing the dishes all the time and 2. I complain too much. Biggest complaints from me are wanting the dishes done and the clothes to be placed properly into the hamper.
I feel like I put a lot of effort into everything I contribute to the home. The only tasks I ask from them is for clothes to be picked up off the floor and then put away immediately once they're cleaned and then for dishes to be done before I make dinners.
I will quickly note that we'll usually choose one day on the weekend that we all pick a room to tackle to deep clean - but outside of that particular day, the load of the house is left to me.
I told them both yesterday that I will no longer complain about dishes being done or not. I will continue to lay something out for dinner, but if the dishes are not completed, I won't be cooking.
They also know which days I do laundry and if things aren't properly placed in the hamper when I'm ready to leave for laundry, those items won't be washed until the following week.
I've been told this is a harsh approach - that i'm going to 'starve' them. However as I stated before, I feel as though I contribute a lot to our household and I don't feel like I'm asking much for these tasks to be completed by them.
They're tired of hearing me complain about things not being done and I'm tired of having to complain about these things not being done.
However maybe this is a harsh approach and makes me an AH. Should I just start doing the dishes myself and ensuring everything is properly placed in the hamper for wash day(s) to keep the home running smoothly? AITA?
Let's find out.
hotshock38 writes:
No* girl this ain’t it. These boys have you acting like their mama. NTA for what you gave as the ultimatum, but I don’t think its far enough.
derailed writes:
They all working full-time. 3 adults I'm curious what the financial contributions to the house is. The brother sounds like he is getting an amazing deal, $100 for rent that includes a maid, food, and a driver. What OP is asking for is so basic level, even toddlers know how to put clothing in a basket or hamper.
However I learned that teenagers are very lazy. If the hamper is in a different room from where the clothes on floor usually are, a separate hamper in that room (usually their bedroom) will help....plus points if it has no lid and they can toss the clothing in from the other side of the room.