Woman accused of 'body-shaming' niece. She warns brother, 'you're OVERFEEDING her!'
When this mom is accused of shaming her niece, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for 'fat shaming' my 5yo niece?'
I'm a single full time parent (F) of a 5yo boy while my brother is a single half time parent of a 5yo girl.
When he has her we make a point of being together lots and unofficially co-parenting in a way. (Edit for context: my brother's split with his wife is recent, and we used to get together much less often before the split so this is a newer situation).
I've noticed my brother is weirdly strict with his daughter about many things, but noticeably about her always finishing her plate even when he gives her massive portions.
My brother started getting weirdly strict with my son too about non-food related things, and I'm usually around to counter it and tell him it's ok.
Things like my brother telling my son to play with the ball, and my son saying he wants to play on the swings instead, and my brother reprimanding him harshly.
It's been getting more annoying, especially since I've been trying to respect his parenting of his daughter and not parent her at all myself.
Lately I've decided to take the role of being a lenient voice for my niece in many ways, but my brother has really only noticed this when it comes to food. I tell her outright that it's ok for her to play even if she's not done her food.
I've started sticking to healthier food and snacks which has disappointed my son a little since he knows that 'cousin time is junk time' but has actually pleased my niece because she enjoys the fruit and veggies more than the nuggets and fries.
I've tried to praise her when she chooses and eats the healthy food over the junk, turns down junk from my brother, and leaves food on her plate when she realizes she's had enough.
Now my brother is blowing up at me for 'fat shaming' his daughter and going against his parenting. My niece is a noticeably bigger girl while my son is fairly average/thin) He revealed that his ex (the mother) is doing almost exactly what I'm doing with my niece, but I don't keep any contact with his ex so I don't actually have her permission to act this way.
I know my brother is definitely the AH in many ways here, but some of my friends say that's his right as the parent and that I overstepped by going against him. So did I overstep? Am I in the wrong?
Let's see what readers had to say.
constantcultural writes:
NTA, get in contact with the mother and talk with her about it, she probably doesn't know that daddy dearest is doing that while she is working the other way. It isn't fun being a big girl as a kid, been there, done that, she shouldn't live through what I lived through.
bananasforskail writes:
NTA. Give a heads up to mom and let her desk with him. Continue to put out healthy things or make your food healthy but steer away from anything that your bro might perceive as parenting.
I would have a deeper discussion with him tho... About allowing kids to think and make decisions on their own with gentle guidance. And that absolute rule on your child won't be tolerated. If he can't cultivate a gentler approach, you would be happy to host your neice sans him for the welfare of your son.
singlewall writes:
NTA because you didn’t say it to your niece and you are correct in your point. My wife’s crazy mother was big on making her finish her plate as a small child (for example, once not letting her eat anything else for most of a day because she didn’t finish a certain vegetable) and my wife struggled through a lot of issues with food for years until she got a handle on things.