Woman accuses fiancé's parents of stealing car they borrowed. AITA? UPDATED
"AITAH? I accused my in-laws of trying to steal my 2nd car."
My fiances father's car broke down & he asked if he could borrow my suv for "a couple of days". I have two cars and the suv isnt my daily driver so no big deal, sure borrow the car.
I knew that realistically, it was going to be more than two days and I was initially happy to help. Fast forward to now, & my in-laws have had my car for TWENTY ONE DAYS. Three whole weeks with zero communication despite my direct efforts to get an answer.
My in-laws have barely said thank you, didn't offer any money and I've asked for my car back three separate times. My father in law is horribly cheap & stubborn and I love him but he's been tinkering on his broken car at his leisure while continuing to borrow mine.
When I asked him directly when he expects his car to be working again/all parts installed - he was unable to provide any type of timeframe and just said "hes working on it". He's uncomfortable talking about anything related to money (aside from complaining at how expensive everything is) so I tried not to push the issue because I wanted to respect his boundaries.
Today, I had my fiance tell his parents they need to give me my car back. It's no longer a choice. I want my car back. I NEED to use it tomorrow. Although it's not my daily driver, it's still my car and I have it for a reason.
It's completely beyond my level of comprehension why I would need to explain to anyone that I would need my own property back because I have a task that I'm unable to achieve without it.
In the kindest way possible, I'm the only person in this situation that owns two cars and it's starting to feel like I'm being disrespected because they don't feel like I need it or that it's not putting me out, when it is. The whole thing makes me wildly uncomfortable and I'm low-key worried they trashed my car because we have completely different standards of living.
In all of this, my fiance, THEIR SON - also has his own car so it's like dude go borrow your sons car for a bit. For context, we live in America & my fiance and his whole family is Caucasian.
My fiance is the highest paid person in his immediate family & he is the youngest child. We live in a high cost of living area, and are broke af. His parents are ~65 & I'm 34. Everyone works full time.
Am I the asshole for wanting my car back so I can go pick up my dog?!?!?!!! These people are making me feel crazy!
UPDATE: I got my car back today and my in laws we're incredibly apologetic. I didn't have to steal my car back or call the cops but my fiance demanded I get my vehicle back & now I better understand everything that's happened.
Fiance agrees that if the need presents itself again its up to him to be more accommodating to his folks and I've learned a new boundary for myself. It's a win/win. I accept some level of responsibility for not putting my foot down sooner and being too nice to people taking advantage of that.....
Thank you to everyone that's helped me navigate the situation and thank you for letting me know I'm not an asshole or a crazy person. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
cocainesmokeshow writes:
NTA. Also, don't ask for your car back. Advise them "I will be picking up my vehicle on X date at X time, just wanted to give you a heads up so you can make sure it's parked, and don't forget to fill up the gas tank. Thanks". They're clearly not listening, and blatantly taking advantage of you at this point. Time to stop being so nice.
laquila writes:
NTA but your FIL is. He knows what he is doing. He is taking advantage of "faaamily!". He knows that you being his son's fiancée, that it is likely awkward for you to ask for your car back.
That you're wanting to be nice to your soon-to-be in-laws, so as not to get on the wrong foot and create tension or hard feelings. Afterall, FIL is your Elder and you have two cars, so why wouldn't you want to be kind and generous to FIL? It's not a big deal for you anyway! A minor inconvenience, that's all. /s
This is all one big manipulative maneouver by your fiance's dad. He's keeping the car for as long as he damn well pleases, until you put your foot down. Or he crashes it. Then it's all yours again. And when you get it fixed, he'll need it back.
Unfortunately, it may cause some hard feelings. FIL may feel all disrespected. But too bad. He's the one being a disrespectful and selfish user, taking advantage of the situation to get something for free, at your expense and inconvenience.
Get your fiance to read his father the riot act and that you will be taking your car back, or you'll consider it stolen. You've asked for it back three times. That's not working, so it's time to get serious.
physicalthought7 writes:
NTA, obviously. I have an adult kid who always asks to borrow "The SUV" when here as to not drive their own even bigger van around town. Sorry, you bought the wrong car, that is not my fault. Also, I notice they ask to borrow "The SUV" so to not have to drive "My van".
Yes, my wife and I have 2 cars, a tiny one and an SUV, just because I work from home, it doesn't mean I keep these cars around for just anybody who wants to borrow them without working like indid to acquire them.