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'AITA for kicking out my dad’s wife when they came to visit my baby? She's awkward.'

'AITA for kicking out my dad’s wife when they came to visit my baby? She's awkward.'


"AITA for kicking out my dad’s wife when they came to visit my baby?"

My husband and I welcomed our daughter 6 weeks ago. My mum was with us for one week after the birth and then went home and it was just me, my husband, and our newborn care specialist.

One week ago, my mum and stepdad came back to stay with us and visit the baby (they’ll be staying another week). I invited my dad to come and visit for the same period, but since he wanted to bring his wife Maggie along on the trip, they are staying in a hotel (we are paying for it).

We had previously agreed that he would come to visit my apartment alone, and the rest of the time he would spend vacationing with his wife.

This had all been working really well, until yesterday when my dad brought his wife with him to the apartment. He said he thought it would be okay since he has been coming alone for a week and she just wanted to meet the baby.

I told my dad that she would meet the baby when I was ready to receive visitors, not when he dictates, and she had to leave. We went on bickering until my husband stepped in and told my dad the discussion was over. My dad ended up staying to visit because if he’d left with her it would have made the situation worse, and she went back to the hotel.

My dad has now said (via text and in person) that I overreacted, and that Maggie was not planning to stay long and I could have just let her see the baby. I think that given the agreement was not to bring her, any length of time was going against that.

He says I embarrassed her by having that argument in front of my mum and stepdad, and I think he’s the one who embarrassed her by bringing her at all.

My husband is on my side obviously, Mum and stepdad say it’s 50/50 but I veered into AH territory by ordering her out the way I did. Having a new baby is a lot, and I’ll admit I haven’t been my most level headed, so I’m wondering if maybe I went slightly overboard.

Why didn’t I want Maggie to visit in the first place? Firstly, Maggie is extremely awkward around my mum. She apparently feels uncomfortable around “the woman my dad loved before her” to the point where she can’t hold a conversation or make eye contact with her.

This makes for a maddeningly awkward atmosphere when they are around each other (my 30th birthday dinner was AWFUL). I didn’t want to deal with that level of awkward. Second, I am not up to hosting. I am tired, I’m not looking or feeling my best, I am not presentable.

I am not up to being sociable, getting dressed properly, and making sure the apartment is presentable. I don’t feel the need to do that around my parents but outside of that, I would. I am not having even my closest friends around for this reason. When I am more settled, I’d be fine with Maggie coming round with my dad.

What is the history between Maggie and me? I haven’t spent much time with Maggie, but she goes through periods of having a very Volatile temperament, and they happen very quickly and she can be quite unpleasant to be around, so I’ve never sought to be close to her.

Yes, I am aware my dad probably told her it was okay to come. My dad is someone who wants everything his way all the time, and if he has to use subterfuge, he’s fine with it.

Most of the time people just put up with it to keep the peace, so often that he banks on that. It is likely this what happened here as well. It’s unfortunate that my dad is like that, and unfortunate that Maggie didn’t stand up and say no, so I had to.

My stepdad is an extra parent to me. He has been for 17 years. He’s the first person who knew we were expecting, he’s the one giving my husband advice, I talk to him more often than my bio dad, I need and want him here just as much as my mum.

My daughter is his granddaughter because I am a daughter to him. It has nothing to do with excluding Maggie, my stepdad is included because he is a parent here. So, all of this said, AITA?

Let's see what readers had to say.

dart1126 writes:

YTA. Your dad presumably travelled from far away if he’s at a hotel for a week. Your mom and stepdad stayed the very intrusive first week, and are already back again, and staying IN the house.

Yet you won’t let her literally CROSS THE THRESHOLD to see you and the baby. You say because she massively overstepped by having the colossal nerve to venture out from room 305 to view you in person on the last day of the visit. And naturally you can’t risk rewarding such behavior. Ever think your dad likely said, come on let’s go see the baby?

But you’re being an AH to her, because you don’t like her. That’s ALL this is. Don’t pretend it’s anything else

pinksor writes:

I think you’re NTA but if I were you I’d send Maggie a message just saying something like: “please don’t take it personal, I’m just not ready to receive that many visitors yet. especially if unannounced. I’m sure my dad told you it was okay but that wasn’t his decision to make. I’m not pissed at you but at him.”

you really shouldn’t be required to send such a message but in reality I think it’ll make it easier for you if you do. prevents her from feeling even more awkward when you do eventually end up with her being in your home.

safeinitiatve writes:

YTA. Honestly it sounds like you just want everyone to cater to you since you had a baby six weeks ago. And I get it, having a baby is hard. But this vibe your giving is a bit odd.

So, is OP being a bit of an AH? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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