Woman asks 30 yo adopted nephew to step out of the family photo. AITA?
When this woman reconnects with her adopted nephew and then immediately sets him off, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for asking my nephew to step out of the family picture?"
One of my brothers adopted a 10yo boy 20 years ago. He was in orphanage before. Parents left him when he was born. My nephew who we will call Kyle. Kyle was fine at first but then he started acting out. He yelled at us and told us we are not his family whenever we tried to talk to him or include him in something.
Once when he was 16 I invited him to watch a movie with me and he started screaming at me to leave him alone telling me I'm not his uncle and will never be. This continued in his 20s and once he was 21 he went nc with all of us and asked us to leave him alone.
He was always like this. Overly dramatic and always mad at something. Hw would yell at us everytime we invited him to do something and then 2 seconds later get mad that we don't treat him like family. I honestly don't understand him.
Later we heard he changed his name and surname because he didn't want to be considered one of us.
I have to admit that these last years without him have been really nice and drama free and we all very much enjoyed it.
A few weeks ago Kyle decided to reach out to his parents asking to be a part of the family again which is cool I guess. The problem is that he will hardly talk to any of us or even answer any questions when we try to talk to him. It's exhausting and I'm so sick of his behviour I just wish he'd leave again.
So a few days ago when we were all together we wanted to take a family photo. We took a photo with all of us then I asked Kyle to step out of the picture so that we can have a family picture without him.
Of course he started yelling at me and calling me names but he has made it clear multiple times that he is not one of us and I just wanted a picture with my real family.
Let's see what readers thought.
gokarmozart writes:
YTA. He’s making the effort to reconnect and you went out of your way to ostracize him. Adoption isn’t easy on a ten year old - they remember life before the adoption. That’s going to come with complicated emotions that will only be compounded during adolescence.
He’s an adult now so it’s not a coincidence he’s trying to reconnect. He grew up. He had no reason to resent you unless you went out of your way to ostracize him, which you did by asking him to step out of the photo. I’m surprised his parents didn’t get pissed at you.
godisagas writes:
I'm going to assume that Kyle circumstances were difficult, likely even tragic - given that he is adopted - and, whilst that doesn't given him a free pass for the rest of his life, it does warrant special consideration.
And so you've got a young child, taken into care, adopted into a new family, who then acts out. Shock. Horror. Who would've thought such a thing might ever happen.
And now you, the then adult, have carried that grudge - first fostered against a ten year old child - into the present day and exclude him from presumably the only family he has. That makes YTA. And suggests that you have a serious deficiency in empathy.
SHDDG9 writes:
Hot take but NTA. I honestly feel like OP has really tried over the years to be there for the nephew. It seems like he has ODD and there isn't much she can do. If she hadn't seen him in years then it makes sense to want a separate family photo. He removed himself from the family and then came back. That was his choice. He didn't need to make a scene. NTA.
curiousone78 writes:
YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. In case you didn’t get my message, let me repeat it. YTA. Petty. Vindictive. Mean. Unforgiving. And it was unnecessary. Even if you don’t have a kind bone in your body, you could have not caused drama and photoshopped him out.
Your bro adopted a kid with significant childhood trauma. Kid acts out on expected ways even into adulthood. Kid finally develops some adult perspective on your brother’s generosity and love and you shit all over it deliberately because he’s not acting 100% the way you want him to in reintegrating. You’re a villain.