Woman boycotts DIL's dinner when she won't accommodate her allergy. AITA?
When this mom is annoyed with her DIL's hosting, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for being livid that my DIL won’t accommodate my allergy so I am not going to her dinner?"
I am very very frustrated. My son has been married to my DIL for three years now. I have always made extra dishes that didn’t include meat to accommodate her. No matter how much it was a pain to do I always made sure she had options to eat when I hosted or she was over. She is vegetarian and at one point tried to go vegan.
My son and her never hosted due to living in a small apartment but that changed since they have just bought a home. They are having a dinner this week and I called her to remind her I am allergic to nuts.
She then informed me that she doesn’t doenst have time and to bring my own food. She told me that she cooks a lot with different nuts and she can’t make adjustments to her menu.
This is where I am at be a jerk, I told her I will not be going and neither will my husband. That I have accommodated her for years and not once have I made her bring her own food. This started an argument where she thinks I am being unreasonable. I feel like I'm being bullied.
My husband is on my side but my son and her are very upset. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
wholead2742 writes:
NTA. Allergies are not food critiques, you literally can die from a bad reaction. The fact you were accommodating for her dietary requests and then she is completely dismissive of your actual needs is absurd. Definitely don't go to a dinner when the chef is blase about trying to kill you.
awkwardunicorn writes:
ESH because allergies are more than just preferences. When you are cooking for someone with an allergy you have to take a lot more time and effort to ensure no cross contamination in the cooking process but also your kitchen as a whole.
Yeah she is being an AH but seriously if this is a life or death allergy why would you ever risk someone else's kitchen when you know they regularly cook with nuts.
abstractteapot writes:
I think YTA. I know I'm going against the trend but whatever don't care. Allergies suck, my sister and brother are coeliac. They do everything they can not to get contaminated and stress about going to peoples houses in case they don't take it seriously to the point they hope they'll say they can't cater so they can bring their own food.
She's in the wrong for not attempting to cater, but you know what's worse than that. Giving you an allergic reaction because there was some cross contamination.
If she's too inconsiderate to cater to you. Accept it as, I can't trust this person with my safety and will never eat anything she offers.
You don't have to go, that's fine. But you are being a bit silly about it when she could have lied to you and sent you off to the hospital instead.
Especially if she's got nuts everywhere and uses them regularly, if she doesn't have a large kitchen there's no way to decontaminate properly. And separate things. My brother and sister have been contaminated so many times despite people putting in the effort, because they forget about the fact that they touched plates in cupboards and spoons.
If I had an allergy, I'd rather go and take my own food than risk dying or something. But maybe I'm just a bit daft for thinking like that.
funnegotiation7663 writes:
NTA 100% only because you went out of your way in the past to make things for her. I am assuming here, and probably with some prejudice against vegetarians (just being honest), that your DIL is planning on cooking a vegetarian dinner and forcing it on everyone.
So, the exact opposite of what you have done in the past. and vegetarians love nuts, they need protein somehow! You show she is a part of the family by making something separate, so DIL can feel included. DIL forces everyone to eat what she wants and doesn't care about anything else. NTA.