Woman calls out MIL on her behavior last Thanksgiving, screams, 'Not this year!' AITA?
When this woman is upset with her MIL, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for calling my MIL on something she said last year at Thanksgiving?"
For 20 years my MIL has tried to control my life. I have learned to enforce clear boundaries and have been subsequently scapegoated for “causing problems.” I am respectful, just not a pushover.
For instance, when she grabs things out of my hands saying she’s just trying to help me, when I didn’t ask for help, or undermines my parenting by telling my son he doesn’t have to listen to me, I hold my ground.
Every holiday I do a majority of the cooking, because honestly we wouldn’t have enough food if I didn’t. She doesn’t tell me what to make, but does expect me to cook. My BIL (45 w/ a good job) brings a store bought item paid for with his parent’s credit card. My husband makes one thing.
Last year, she told me “You don’t have to make all that food. Nobody in my family likes it anyway” and proceeded to name her family as everyone but my husband, son, and me.
The truth is that I always make something that I know each person will like, and every year at every holiday people eat my food. I tried to tell her how hurtful what she said was, but she laughed it off.
This year she announced she was dropping off ingredients at my house to “help me” because I’m “busy and don’t feel well.” This is also not true. I’m not sick. She didn’t ask me to do anything, just told me what she was dropping off. I reminded her of what she had said last year.
She doubled down and said them again, so I said "I didn’t know what I was going to do this year or if I would come. Please don't act like last year etc." Now she is giving me the silent treatment. My husband and son are begging me to make the food I usually make (I will make it for them, but maybe to have at home).
AITA for calling my MIL out for the hurtful things she said last year (+ this year)?
Let's see what readers thought.
analyst19 writes:
NTA, donate her ingredients to a local food bank. Make whatever you want for your immediate family at a separate celebration. Tell your husband that this treatment is unacceptable and that you won’t be cooking or hosting for MIL.
urlittleruth writes:
Let her have her Thanksgiving without you and your delicious food. Let her enjoy the experience of having her guests complain that there isn't enough food, and that they miss the XXX that you usually supply.
Meanwhile, have a calm and enjoyable Thanksgiving with your nuclear family. And maybe a friend or two. Let MIL stew in her own juice. NTA.
blockedbyjax writes:
NTA. I don't get why adults with spouses and children of their own are expected to host everyone or go to parents/other relatives' homes for Thanksgiving Day indefinitely and put all that labor on one or few people.
When I was growing up, my parents and I had Thanksgiving Day dinner at home, and the big extended family had a Thanksgiving themed gathering the weekend before or after where everyone contributed a dish or two and whoever hosted just made the bird. Start your own traditions with the family you have created. I don't think you'll regret it.