Few topics bring out stronger opinions than babies and parenting. Whether someone is decidedly child-free, currently raising kids, or planning to have kids, there will always be someone giving them unsolicited advice about how they're doing things wrong or making a bad choice.
Understandably, this wears on people and can lead to some pretty intense moments.
AITA for telling my friend to shut up about babies being expensive?
My boyfriend and I are currently trying for a baby and my friend, Analise, knows that. Analise talked a lot about wanting children in the past, but she stopped about a year ago, saying that children are too expensive.
Which is all fine, it's her choice, but she and her husband make a lot of money, so it's not true that they couldn't afford to raise a child. They go on so many vacations and even just going on one less per year would cover for a baby's expenses.
She, a few other friends and I were hanging out and one of them asked her if she still doesn't want children. Analise went on about how she can't afford it, because a child needs this-and-that, a private school, tutoring, a big house, then a gift house when he/she graduates uni, etc.
And she thinks it would be beyond IRRESPONSIBLE to have a baby when she can't provide everything to it. She said all this while I was sitting next to her, fully knowing I'm about to have a baby with much less money and as a renter.
At first, I just told her that babies don't cost that much and she can definitely afford one, but then she kept insisting that a couple needs to make at least x amount and I just straight off told her to shut up.
She makes 2-3 times as much us we do, so shut up. Analise said she was just answering the question she was asked and she is not trying to push her views on us. But isn't she, when she literally said I'm being irresponsible? AITA?
ESH I am dying that you said “babies don’t cost that much” that is the most delusional sentence ever uttered.
YTA. I might get downvoted for this, but to me it seems like she was asked if she didn’t want kids and she answered the question, she has a certain vision of how she wants to raise her child and knowing that it’s expensive she’s not having one. She never told you not to have one at your income level.
YTA. Her statements wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t believe they were true. If you think “skipping one vacation a year” would leave someone with enough money for a child, you need a reality check.
Childcare alone costs over $10,000 a year, either in direct costs by paying someone else or missed labor costs by one parent being out of the workplace. Insurance adds another $1500, at least, per year. With food and diapers you’re looking at another couple thousand easily.
Is there any chance your friend found out she can’t have kids and this is her way of coping? Seems like quite the 180. It’s best to just ignore her. You don’t know what she has going on in her life.
And BTW, “trying for a baby” is not “about to have a baby”.
YTA, sounds like you took her responses personal even though her responses were not directed towards you.
YTA alone for saying children don’t cost that much. Yes your friend didn’t need to be so blunt about it but you need to open your eyes to reality of having a child.