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Mom asks if she's wrong to refuse to compromise on custody after daughter's dad lied.

Mom asks if she's wrong to refuse to compromise on custody after daughter's dad lied.


Coparenting can be tough, especially when you think the other parent is lying about something. When this mom feels just that, she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:

'AITA for refusing to compromise on custody after my daughters father lied about what they were doing?'

I(32f) co parent my 13 year old, Lily, with her father. We are generally flexible with days and neither of us have a problem with the other.

A few weeks ago he texted me “could I pick up Lily Friday September x instead of y and drop her off a instead of b.” When I asked him why he said his brother in law passed away and his funeral was Saturday and he wanted to leave Friday. It was in a city several hours away.

I agreed to this, I wasn’t happy with her missing school but I compromised. A few days ago a friend of mine sent me pictures from his social media of him with Lily at a ball game from that Friday in the city where his BIL’s funeral was. He never told me anything about that.

I texted him and asked what was up with that and why he had lied and he said that he hadn’t lied, it’d been a “lucky coincidence” “their” favorite team was playing in that city and he figured they might as well go to a game to see some of her favorite players.

I asked if she had homework she should be doing and he said she had “plenty of other time” to do it and this was “important to him”. I am very big on the importance of Lily doing well in school so this was upsetting to me that he put a child’s game and something he wanted to do over her schoolwork.

I don’t even think she likes the team for any reason other than to connect with her father and I think this was mostly for him because I see all the “nostalgia” stuff he posts on social media about the team.

I told him he shouldn’t have left that out of the plan he gave me and that I wasn’t changing custody anymore for his mothers birthday, and that he could pick her up and then drop her off a few hours later but she wasn’t staying overnight and I wanted those hours back later .

Now he’s incredibly upset at me and called me an asshole for “overreacting”. I just want Lily to understand an education is important and to be prioritized and be surrounded by people that understand that. AITA?

Let's see what Reddit had to say.

snowconebanana writes:

YTA if there was actually a funeral they went to. Maybe he thought with how depressing the funeral was it would be good to try and do something to lighten her spirits.

Does he have to tell you every single little thing they do together? Do you ask permission before every little thing you do with your daughter? You are overreacting. Are you both not equal parents? Why are you making unilateral decisions and attempting to punish him?

frankiejo writes:

NTA. He should have communicated with you about the game once he decided to go-assuming that he didn’t lie about his BIL dying, which is easily confirmed. But this isn’t that serious if all you’re worried about is the missed homework.

Life is far too short to focus that to the exclusion of people and experiences. Kids learn in lots of different ways. Homework only teaches them so much.

Did this inconvenience you? Was anyone hurt? Did this cost you money you didn’t have? These are the kinds of questions you need to ask before refusing to let her go to her grandmother’s birthday weekend.

Well, there you have it. Lots of opinions on OP's behavior. What do YOU think? Is she TA? Or we giving the dad too much of a break here?

Sources: Reddit
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