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Woman gets confronted about name choice by friend, 'that was my stillborn baby's name.'

Woman gets confronted about name choice by friend, 'that was my stillborn baby's name.'


Choosing a name for your baby can be a very emotional experience, for a lot of reasons. And it only becomes more complicated when others weigh in, regardless of their reasons.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for giving her child the same name as her friend's stillborn baby. She wrote"

"AITA for giving my child the same name as my friend's stillborn baby?"

I (26F) am currently 7 months pregnant and a few weeks ago we found out that we were having a little girl. My husband (28M) and I had already decided on what to name our baby depending on the gender, and upon finding out that she was going to be a girl, we announced that we would name her Adelaide.

I first heard of this name when I was a kid and thought it was beautiful, and decided that if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Adelaide. After hearing this, one of my friends (27F), who I have been close with since we were at University, began acting distant towards us. Throughout my pregnancy, I have tried to be sensitive to her feelings, as I knew it was a sore point for her.

Two years ago, she tragically lost her baby girl to a stillbirth. I can’t even begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must have been for her and I made sure I supported her through this devastating loss. Despite her trauma, she has never been anything less than kind and empathetic towards me, up until that day.

A couple of weeks later, she confronted us, suggesting we change the name of our baby, to which we rebuffed. She kept on trying to convince us, suggesting different names, or saying that Adelaide was too old-fashioned or that it wouldn’t suit our child. We kept on denying to change her name, until eventually my friend started crying and revealed that Adelaide was the name she’d chosen for her stillborn baby.

When she was pregnant, she refused to tell anyone her baby’s name, as she wanted it to be a surprise for when she was born. After the stillbirth, she decided she would keep the name to herself because it was personal to her, to which we understood. Until recently, no one knew what her baby was going to be called. She claims that, by keeping our name, we are disrespecting the memory of her baby.

She said that if I chose the same name then my daughter would be a living reminder of what could have been. I completely understand her grief, but I believe I should have the right to name my own child without being burdened by someone else’s trauma. AITA?

The internet swooped in with all of their thoughts.

Mustng1966 wrote:

NTA - Your baby, your right to name it whatever you want. Though sad for your friend, you didn't know beforehand, but that doesn't matter at all anyway. It is an outrageous entitlement for her to harass you about your child's name at this late date in complaining.

Accomplished_Two1611 wrote:

Idk. I would probably change the name. Maybe your friend will get over it, maybe you will lose a friend. Is the name worth it?

SmoochyBooch wrote:

NTA, but I don’t think I could use the name knowing all this.

xoxoDesireeXoXo wrote:

NTA- You were unaware of that fact until she told you. So, most definitely NTA. This might be the rock she is willing to die on though so I would keep that in mind during the next confrontation. So you might lose a friendship.

I personally would argue that by keeping the name it is even more special. Seriously, what is the likelihood that you both choose the same unique old-fashioned name? Could be a sign :) Not to mention, it would be honoring her daughter in a way.

The internet unanimously agrees that OP is NTA, but they're split on what they'd do in her shoes.

Sources: Reddit
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