Woman cuts off cousin's widow, 'I can't emotionally or physically support you.' AITA?
When this woman is done supporting her cousin's widow, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my cousin's widow I will no longer be supporting her emotionally or physically?"
I(32f) am from a small, tight knit family. There is my family of 4, my parents, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle, their two kids and families. We all live in the same area and will do whatever we can to help eachother.
My cousin, Derek(28m) tragically passed away a year and a half ago from a drunk driver. He left behind his wife, Monica(27f) and 4 kids, all under the age of 8. It was devastating and Monica completely shut down. We all understood and started caring for her and the kids.
This included me no longer charging her rent(they lived in a house I own, next door to me), helping prepare meals, taking care of the kids, helping with appointments, school work, shopping, ect. I can't tell you how many times I was her shoulder to cry on. She let me put the kids in therapy but refused to go herself.
On to the now and the issue. As I said, it's been a year and a half... and she is still completely shut down. She doesn't work, she doesn't cook or clean, and I have been raising the kids along with my 2. This isn't sustainable. The kids miss her. They lost their mom the day they lost their dad.
I sat her down the other night and was trying to be empathetic towards her but nothing was getting thru. She just kept crying and saying she couldn't do it without Derek. I told her she doesn't have a choice.
She has 4 kids who need their mother. She still wasn't listening but I had enough. I told her she has a week to get an appointment with a therapist before I stop supporting her and went for custody of the kids. She ran out crying.
The rest of our family thinks I'm being cruel because she loved my cousin deeply but I think this is what she needs. She can't live like this and can't keep putting her kids thru this!
Let's see what readers thought.
guiltypick writes:
NTA. You’ve given it a year and a half and whilst there is no time limit on grief, she needs a reality check. You’ve not said anything crazy, just go see a therapist at least. You’ve already tried that, and it didn’t work. You gave it time, but now’s the time for an ultimatum. Her kids need her now. Where are all of the rest of the families help?
equlibrium writes:
NTA. You did and are doing the right thing. She needs therapy, should have been this whole time, and she needs to be a Mother again. Your family sounds like they're enabling her. Has she developed a drink or substance abuse issue? I ask because it happens to the surviving spouse often when a tragedy like this occurs.
I saw it in my own family. And everyone enabled that person to no end, until they ended up with ulcers and DTs. If she is neglectful and mentally incapable of caring for her children physically and emotionally, you or someone needs to take custody.
You'll get their payments from the Fed which will cover about 1/4-1/2 each of their individual financial needs. The rest will have to come out of your pocket, so custody is a big step. Good luck.
royallyoakie writes:
NTA...A year and a half is a long time. Something has to change and it's not like you haven't been generous and understanding.