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Woman cuts SIL and husband's family out of life after RSV birthday incident. AITA? 3 MAJOR UPDATES.

Woman cuts SIL and husband's family out of life after RSV birthday incident. AITA? 3 MAJOR UPDATES.

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When this woman is at her absolute wit's end with her in-laws and provides three major updates about the situation, she tells Reddit:

So I had a post about how my SIL is pissed at me because I told her a few days after Christmas that next time her kids are sick I’d appreciate it if she let me know so I can decide if I want to risk getting my baby sick.

Basically at Christmas she didn’t tell me her son was sick and got my 10 month old severely sick.

I was upset and tried to have a mature convo with her but she got offended and told me that her kid wasn’t sick and I’m a psycho and I shouldn’t go to the gym (something I am doing to feel better about myself) because I put my family at risk and I should stay isolated for the rest of my life with my daughter.

Totally uncalled for. I didn’t respond to her messages because it was a really weird outburst after my really nice texts asking her for a courtesy. So I haven’t heard from her since then.

Usually my husbands family gets together every Tuesday Wednesday and Saturday night and Sunday for lunch and we usually go, we used to go to all but then cut it down to maybe once or twice a week and now to be honest I don’t like going at all.

Since Christmas we haven’t been over because I have no desire to see his sister, but also because I work a lot and have meetings in the evenings since I’m home with my daughter during the day.

My in laws think I am the devil because I work and can’t make it to weekly dinners. My FIL texted my husband and told him that I need to resolve this situation with my SIL because I am causing problems and I should go apologize. My husband did stick up for me and said no I didn’t do anything wrong.

Yesterday it was my daughters first bday party and my in laws showed up with my SIL and her husband and kids. Surprisingly honestly. I said hello thank you and goodbye to her.

I didn’t want to talk to her and she was suuuper fake towards me acting like a good person in front of everyone but I know the truth. It’s sickening how she makes me out to be the bad guy when it is the opposite.

My MIL and FIL are visibly annoyed with me because yesterday they didn’t even have two words to say to me.

I was in the middle of a convo with my friends and I was holding my daughter who was chill, and my MIL came over and snatched my daughter aggressively out of my arms without saying anything and walked away with her … my daughter obviously started crying. It was so stupid.

They didn’t even want to take pics with us, just my daughter. And again grabbed her from me to take a pic with her.

Today I made a post on Facebook about the party and added pics and I didn’t add the pic my husband sent me of them with my daughter because last time I put a pic up of them on Facebook my MIL told me she doesn’t like putting up pics of herself because she doesn’t want people to know what she’s doing or where she’s at… so I didn’t put the pic up.

Well my husband got a nasty text today about how I am so rude because I didn’t put their picture on Facebook and how I ignored them completely yesterday and I am a horrible person.

So I’ve never been more mad. These people have managed to ruin every single special moment in my life.

My engagement was ruined because as soon as my husband popped the question, my SIL grabbed me by the arm to go to the bathroom to change into an ugly ass potato sack white dress that she bought me even tho I looked so good with what I had on.

I didn’t even know what was happening she literally took me away from one of the most important moments of my life. Then my baby shower was a big mess because my in laws were arguing with me over where I should have it because it had to be where they say even tho they weren’t paying for it.

Then my bridal shower was ruined because my SIL decided to buy extra things even tho none of my bridesmaids told her to and she decided to throw it in my face that she “paid the most” so she deserves the most recognition.

When my daughter was born my in laws argued with the nurse staff to let them in when I was in labor even tho I specifically said NO. Then when she was finally born and I was trying to sleep they were in my hospital room talking and laughing while I felt like crap and my MIL didn’t want to leave and had to be involved in everything.

Then they made my husband and I argue the day we took my daughter home because they said that my SILs kids absolutely needed to meet my 2 day old daughter even tho it was rsv and cold season (the kids are 3 and 5 and in school…)

I said no, then my MIL sat on my couch watching me breastfeed and made me CRY because she said I had anxiety issues and I needed a lot of help because I was afraid of my newborn daughter getting RSV. My MIL also told me my milk wasn’t good and I needed to stop breastfeeding (totally false).

My wedding was another nightmare bc of them. I chose to get married in their small town so that my husbands grandma could be there, on a date that my FIL didn’t have work, my dad paid for the whole thing, and my MIL decided to stand next to my husband during our cake cutting and kiss my husband for the cake pictures.

Then my SIL was late getting to me for bridesmaids pics and was pissed at me for not waiting for her on my wedding day to take pics, so she decided to not smile in any of my bridesmaids pictures.

And now for my daughter’s first birthday they have again managed to make it all about them. I told my husband today that I don’t ever want to see any of them again. I’m at my wits end I don’t know what to do anymore but I’ve never been so angry or upset. What do I even do??

Then, OP provides her first MAJOR UPDATE:

UPDATE!!! My MIL and SIL and SILs husband did not wish me a happy birthday yesterday. Today my MIL shows up at my door unannounced and expects to be let in, even tho i specifically stated I did not want to talk to them this week!!

I opened the door and told her I was busy working she said she would wait outside. I said “no, you can’t wait you need to leave!” And I shut the door and closed the blinds. Haven’t heard from anyone.

Anyway my FIL ended up texting me the other day telling me that their door is always open. I responded by telling him thank you it’s just that at this point in time I am consumed with advancing my career, taking care of my daughter, and going to the gym for my health, therefore during the week it is nearly impossible to make plans.

He responded by saying “so there’s a set amount of time that we can’t see each other for?” And honestly this just annoyed me. Instead of saying something like no worries I understand you’re busy and I’m happy you’re taking care of your health, let’s get together soon….. nope. So I decided to give it to him straight.

I told him my daughters bedtime is 7pm and j don’t want to mess with her schedule because if we do she gets really unsettled and won’t fall asleep and I have work during the week (my in laws don’t work from Sunday to Wednesday and my SIL doesn’t work at all).

Then I told him to be honest I didn’t feel like being all together and pretend to be happy because my SIL treats me like crap and I explained that she got mad at me at Christmas for asking her next time to tell me if her kids are sick...

and she exploded at me and told me to stay isolated for the rest of my life ecc and I haven’t heard from her since. Then I told him that I just didn’t feel appreciated and everything I do is always wrong.

He told me him and his wife aka my MIL were coming to my house this week to speak to me. I said no this week isn’t good, it’s my bday, my daughters first bday and Valentine’s Day and I prefer to have peace and not get worked up, we can talk about it the week after. He didn’t reply.

Today is my birthday and my FIL sent me a happy birthday text. MIL, SIL and SIL’s husband did not text or call.

So… I am DONE. they are officially out of my life. I don’t even want to talk to them next week. Lol what did I even do to not even deserve a simple happy birthday?? Like am I really that bad of a person? What would you do???

Then OP's second major update:

Hi all. I wrote a post a month ago about how we went to Christmas dinner at my in laws house with my 10 month old baby and my sister in law didn’t tell us that her kid had a cough and runny nose and he ended up getting my daughter really sick.

And when I called my SIL out on it a few days after, she got really mean towards me. I texted her and told her I would appreciate it if she could next time tell me her kid was sick before we went over this way we could decide if we wanted to risk it.

She got so mad at me and told me that I am a horrible person and that her kids weren’t sick and I should just isolate myself and not leave my house for the rest of my life. She told me I shouldn’t go to the gym at all if I cared about my family.

Well to be honest I was very nice to her in the texts until she wrote all that and I just didn’t respond to her because I thought it was really uncalled for and she hurt me. She hasn’t reached out since she wrote all that a month ago.

And I obviously haven’t either because why would I want to be around a person like that? I feel like every time I forgive her and I start to let her into my life again she gets mad at me for something and then throws whatever I shared with her in my face.

Like this time I was so happy about getting back to the gym and feeling like myself again and she threw it in my face.

Now my daughters first bday party is coming up this weekend and my father in law told my husband that I need to go and resolve this issue with his sister. Lol. I just laughed and am honestly so annoyed.

Why do I have to go to her house to speak or even initiate conversation with her?? I didn’t do anything wrong. If she wants to come to my daughters bday party fine if not that’s fine too. Like I’m not going to sit down and make peace for something I literally didn’t do.

This happened a few months ago too. She ruined my wedding pictures, she is angry in every single one of my bridesmaids pictures because she was late getting to me for pictures so we started without her.

I ended up going to her house to apologize to her for starting without her on my wedding day… just to keep the peace in the family. she didn’t even apologize to me for ruining my pictures she just kept saying it’s how she felt in the moment and she thinks it’s funny now.

Well I’m really glad she thinks it’s funny. I think this situation is funny because I won’t ever be speaking to her again lol.

I just don’t want to deal with the disrespect anymore and honestly she was the one that said mean crap to me, not viceversa. I’ve always apologized to her even when I didn’t have to. I’m honestly done dealing with her. Relationship over. I want my daughter to grow up knowing what respect is. What would you do?

I’m editing to add that my husband told his dad that he feels I did the right thing and nothing wrong in this situation but he still feels I should talk to his sister and straighten things out, something I refuse to do.

My SIL had asked me to be the godmother of her child that will be born in May.. I already told her once I don’t want to, and she insisted. Now I REALLY do not want to.

And now, OP's third and final major update:

I am just feeling proud of myself. My MIL , SIL, nor my SILs husband wished me a happy birthday on Sunday. My MIL showed up knocking at my door unannounced on Monday morning and looking through the window like a crazy person.

I had told my in laws I didn’t want to see them this week because I was busy and I didn’t want to talk about the situation because i didn’t wanna be stressed during my bday week, my daughter’s first bday and Valentine’s Day.

But my MIL doesn’t care about my feelings or what I say. So I answered the door and told her I was busy on a work call and she said she would wait. I told her “no, you won’t wait. You will leave.” And I closed the door and closed all the blinds in her face so she couldn’t look in at my daughter anymore.

Today was my daughters first bday and my MIL decided to spam my Facebook post I made acting like grandma of the year, I blocked her on Facebook. Same with my SIL.

My MIL and SIL also sent happy birthday and sweet messages in this big family group chat (like 15 people, cousins and sisters of my MIL) and acted like they were so sweet.

I almost replied with “oh you can say happy bday to my daughter but not to me?” But I didn’t. Instead I left the WhatsApp group. I blocked their phone numbers so they have no way of contacting me at all.

Totally blocked. And I felt like a weight has been lifted!!! My husband stands by my side in all of this although he is really heartbroken at how immature his mom and sister are. They have to learn that their disrespectful actions cause consequences.

Let's take a look at some of the top responses:

shoutout1234 writes:

Stop apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong. SIL was late to the pictures. There were consequences. SIL brought a sick kid to Christmas dinner and got your kid sick. You asked nicely to please let you know in the future.

Your SIL is the golden child. She gets coddled by your ILs. She can do no wrong. If she is upset, it is someone else’s fault because her parents raised her to believe she can do what she wants without consequences.

So stop apologizing because you did nothing wrong. She is the one behaving badly. Most likely this was the dynamic throughout her and your hubby’s childhood. I would bet that he was the scapegoat child and made to apologize every-time his sister got upset.

Your husband needs to shine up his spine, and tell his parents… Mom, Dad, I am sorry you feel that way. We did nothing to upset sister. We made a simple request that she as usual made a mountain out of a molehill.

We are not apologizing for sister’s disrespectful response to our simple request. If she chooses not to attend, that’s unfortunate, but is her decision. If you decide not to attend, that is your decision.

cerealkiller8 writes:

Do not make your Sil the godparent. She will sour every moment. Don’t invite her to the party either.

My in-laws used to coddle my sil and pressure us to resolve things even though she was the bully and aggressor in many interactions. It has resulted in us having limited contact with them.

No party. No godmother. Don’t cave into pressure as you’ll regret your decision every time she acts like a fool.

kingcurtis73 writes:

This is really pretty horrific treatment. Your birthing experience alone would be enough to justify not having anything to do with them. Imagine trying to bully your way into a laboring woman’s room. Disgusting.

I am so very sorry that your spouse seems lacking in support. None of what you described is something to be wishy washy about what side to take. You shouldn’t be forced to be in the presence of people who treat you terribly. You shouldn’t be surprised by the appearance of someone who treats you badly at your own child’s party.

A couple of the questions I see in this sub often which has always struck me in these situations is - why is ok for your ILs to say whatever they want and hurt you, but it’s not ok to say what you feel because it might hurt them? Why is his family allowed “peace” but you aren’t?

Why aren’t your feelings and your peace of utmost importance to your husband? You really might ask your husband these questions. Because when your MIL snatches your baby and makes them cry or your SIL behaves as entitled as she does - those should get your husband’s hackles up just as quickly as yours.

I think you’re on target wanting nothing to do with them. If I were in your shoes, my husband would be told that he can have whatever relationship with them that he wants, but until his family can at least treat you with respect and civility, you, your home and your child are off limits. You need to take your peace back and he needs to support you in this.

Looks like OP is NTA here. Any advice for her? What would YOU do in this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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