When this daughter is at odds with her mom, she asks Reddit:
I (17f) was 9 when my mom told me she was dating someone. My mom had me when she was young and my aunt, her sister, took care of me alongside my cousin and we were the best of friends and as close as siblings.
There was a girl in school called Hannah who pretty awful to every single person. My cousin was included in that more than I was but she said pretty shitty things to me sometimes too. Just not as often and nothing as bad as she said to others.
She used to call my cousin slurs toward queer people because his friends were mostly girls. She was so young that at the start teachers would dismiss it as her not understanding what she was saying and she probably did pick it up from somewhere but it didn't mean she didn't know what the words she used meant.
Hannah was always in trouble and a few times my aunt was called into the school to discuss what happened with my cousin. Hannah's dad was always in the school too because of her behavior. Hannah wasn't alone either. She had one friend who was even worse than Hannah and more was done to her.
Then when I was 9 I found out my mom started dating Hannah's dad and they moved us in together quickly and they were married less than a year later. Hannah was still acting that way after they got married.
I ended up not seeing my aunt or cousin much because mom was mad my aunt didn't include Hannah more and as a punishment she denied us the chance to hang out even though my aunt had acted more like my mom than my mom had up to that point.
When Hannah was 13 her friend's parents moved and she never saw her again. After that she started to try and become close to me. I had always hated my mom marrying Hannah's dad and I was never open to the idea of being close with Hannah. I hated her then and nothing has changed on my end even though Hannah did change and isn't a bully anymore.
Hannah has actually been really lonely the last few years because most kids won't give her the time of day and the ones that do end up ignoring her once they realize how bad Hannah was to others.
My mom expected me to step in and "be Hannah's sister and her friend" and we have fought about it a lot. Now that I'm older I do spend time with my cousin and my aunt and I don't care if my mom hates it.
She told me I should be standing by my family aka Hannah and that I am holding her behavior as a young kid against her too much. She told me she's my mom and she has done everything to raise me better than I am turning out to be and she did her best to bring us closer together.
I told mom she never had control over us just because she got married to Hannah's dad. I told her I would never want Hannah in my life and I will only ever hardly tolerate her presence and nothing she says can change that.
My mom said I was behaving more spitefully than she ever would have expected and that she was ashamed of me for saying all that. AITA?
NTA. You got a legitimate issue with Hannah, who did genuinely change, but it's not your duty to make friends with her now. Your mom seems to value the concept of family over her individual members.
NTA. Wtf, your mom married your bully's dad and thought everything would be better because you're FaMiLy now? Screw that mess. Did Hannah ever actually acknowledge she was a bully and apologize to you?
Or did she only come slinking back because her friends moved away and she had to settle? Was there any family therapy to deal with this animosity?
As somebody who was in your shoes, except with a bio sibling, NTA. Your mom is way out of line. YOU are not the problem here. Hannah is sleeping in the bed she made. She doesn't get a free pass because your parents got married.