Woman ends things with BF after his baby's mother ruins Thanksgiving. AITA?
When this woman ends her relationship over her BF's baby's mother, she asks Reddit:
"AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend after I figured out that his BM would be at every holiday?"
I f24 started dating my boyfriend (31) in February. He has a child from a previous relationship and I first I was reluctant to be a relationship with him, not because of the kid but I've heard so many horror stories on baby mama drama which I didn't want in my life.
We started dating when he assured me that him and his BM were just co-parenting and he even showed all their messages which were about their son.
Anyways, his family invited me to Thanksgiving and this would be the first time I spent a holiday with them since I usually see my family. I decided to go to his families house for maybe an hour or two and then go to my parent's house. We got there a bit late but when we arrived I noticed that his BM was there.
I honestly didn't expect it because he made it seem they weren't close expect for them having a child together. I was of course, friendly and met all his family and even had a conversation with his BM.
I realized how close his BM was with his family and I realized I didn't wanna be a part of that especially when his sisters started making jokes about how his BM came first, etc. I ended up leaving earlier then what was agreed on and called an Uber to my parent's home.
My boyfriend called several times but I sorta ignored it because I needed to think. After talking with my mom, I realized I didn't wanna date my boyfriend anymore.
I ended up calling him when I was going home and asked him if his BM was at every family holiday. He told me that she was since his mom loves her. I then asked if he didn't mind having some holidays with just us or just my family so not every is with his BM (Of course, their son would be invited).
He explained he didn't like my alternatives so I told him that our relationship wouldn't work, and that I should've listened to my instincts in February. I ended up apologizing and hung up before he could say anything.
Since then I've been getting several calls from him, and him even coming to my home, asking to talk. I've also been getting messages from random numbers about the situation (maybe his friends, idk) calling me a jerk for not talking the problem out and calling me immature. I'm like, what is there to talk about? I made my decision. AITAH?
Let's see what readers thought.
additionaljaguar writes:
NTA. I’m all for a healthy coparenting relationship, and even a dynamic where coparents share holidays together…but this crossed a line of disrespect that would be hard for any of his future relationships to survive.
His family can like her all they want, and even invite her to holidays, but there should be a level of respect for his current relationship.
The sisters should’ve never stated that “BM comes first” and your boyfriend should’ve shot that down immediately. He was probably in a really awkward situation and it sounds like he may want to work on that…but with the harassing phone calls you’re now getting, it sounds like you made the right choice.
playhydrate writes:
NTA and honestly I don't think you're being immature about it. You gave it a shot (went through Thanksgiving with the family and BM there), noticed that were was a lot of underlying feelings from other parties (the sisters making jokes, your ex-BF's mother really liking the BM), had some time to yourself to think it over and let him know it wasn't going to work.
You would have been an A H if you tried to force the situation in a manner that would be more beneficial to you, but instead you decided to accept the situation for what it is. And I think that shows great maturity.
nihtopian writes:
NAH. There is nothing wrong with both parents of the child attending family events together. It's better for the child that they are able to get along. It's fine if OP doesn't want to be around his ex but it's also fine that he doesn't want to separate his child from both parents on special holidays.