When this woman feels freaked out by her partner's kid, she asks Reddit:
My partner and I have been together quite some time, and recently married. Their child wasn't around much during our dating years for whatever reason, but is now coming around more.
The "step parent" dynamic had not been discussed because I didn't assume there would be any issue concerning that, nor did I see the child enough to build a relationship.
My partner had a talk with the child about us being married, and called me the child's "new mom" (never consulted me), and claims they said the child didn't have to call me by that name.
Well..... it does, and I am severely uncomfortable with that! Reason being, I don't really know the child for me to feel like I can be called that, we don't have the bond, neither am I involved in the child's life. It just doesn't feel right to me.
I don't take that title lightly because I think there is work that has to be put in to even be considered as such. I told my partner I just wanted to be called a "Bonus guardian" and that I didn't want the child to call me step anything. My partner took offense to it, and does every time the conversation comes up.
I also correct my partner every time they refer to it as "our child". It's not my child, and I've never even met the other parent.
I don't feel like I should be asserted into any of the parental affairs either unless necessary, because the child already has 2 parents who should be handling all things concerning the child, I just had my own and am giving it every last bit of me. Am I the asshole for having my boundaries?
Yeah, YTA. You're already putting boundaries between yourself and a child. Add in the constant references to the child as "it" and....yeah.
ESH. Your husband is rushing the depth of relationship that you might not ever be comfortable with. Mother/Child just isn't in the cards for you and he taught the child to call you "new mom" on day 1. He's the worst.
You married into a family with children, so you will have to have some kind of relationship. You can't just ignore the kid. And frankly, with your refusal to even be called "step anything", I can't help but feel that you aren't mature enough to have married into this. You're also the worst.
"the child already has 2 parents who should be handling all things concerning the child" Oh, no. You'll also be doing come of their laundry and some of their dishes and, when its your turn, some of their cooking. Get over yourself.
YTA. Having had a couple bad experiences as a child with a step parent acting like this, god help his poor child. Just the fact that you keep referring to them as "the child" like they aren't even human is disturbing.