Woman asks if she was wrong to feed stepkids takeout; her husband is pissed.
'AITA for ordering takeout after my husband tricked me to cook for his kids?'
AITA? Hello. So to give some context, I f35 have been married to my husband, m37 for 6 months. He has 2 children from two different (uninvolved) mothers and they live with us full time. The kids are 7 y.o. And 10 y.o.
I work long hours and it's a demanding job time wise. My husband thinks that just because I wfh that I can pause whenever but it's untrue. He'd ask me to do things for the kids or him during work hours, but I told him I'm working and unavailable during those hours, and that the kids are his responsibility til I'm done.
Yesterday, He told me he wanted to go attend a friend's engagement dinner and asked if I could 'take time off work' to make the kids dinner. I told him absolutely not, and insisted that he cook for them or order takeout. He said he had no time to cook, and takeout was off the table since he doesn't want them to eat fast food. He later said fine and that he was going to cook dinner then go to the party.
2hrs later, the kids came in and said they were hungry. I was puzzled, I asked if their dad cooked them dinner and they said he didn't. Moreover!!! He told them to come ask me to cook for them at exactly 7pm. I was so pissed to find myself in this situation. I took few minutes off the meeting and ordered takeout from the nearby restaurant and fed the kids, then had them watch tv then go to sleep.
He came home at 11PM and went off on me after he discovered that I didn't cook like he was counting on me to do. Not only that, but he yelled about feeding the kids takeout. I argued back saying I had no choice after he basically tricked me into cooking for them knowing I was busy, so I ordered food and made sure the kids were fed while I focused on work.
He ranted about how I care more about work than my stepchildren (God forbid) and called me selfish then went upstairs and refused to talk to me. He's still sulking about it today and says I need to get my priorities 'in order' cause they're messed up.
Info - About that friend's engagement. My husband has this friend from college. They're close and he couldn't miss the event. Moreover, he said he was upset with me for missing the event and now refusing to cook a homemade healthy meal and ordering takeout knowing it's a 'no go' for him.
Info - The reason I expected him to cook other than the fact that I was busy, was that he usually cooks for them so it's both of our responsibility.
Info - Does he work? Yes, but barely. He works at a warehouse only twice a week. His friend's dad owns the warehouse and do he has a lot of leverage.
Info - More context on the mothers. One is an ex wife, the other is an ex girlfriend. Both left for financial reasons he said but I'm not fully convinced by that.
From the comments:
Legion1117 says:
Wait, wait, wait.....he told YOU that YOU need to get YOUR priorities in order when HE left HIS CHILDREN UNFED to attend a PARTY????? Why did you marry this 'man?' SOooooo much NTA
crockofpot says:
NTA but uhhhhh.... you have bigger issues in your marriage than takeout. You married someone who does not respect your work or your time, is willing to let his kids go hungry in order to force your hand, and is now using emotional blackmail to punish you.
This is a fundamentally broken approach to relationships and it's honestly not hard to see why he doesn't have relationships with either of his kids' mothers.
Darwina1226 says:
Bail. Out. Now.
Breakingupwithfatty says:
This after 6 months marriage? No wonder he has 2 ex's.
Glittering-Review-36 says:
NTA. There’s many red flags here 🚩🚩🚩
🚩 He is leaving it up to you to look after his children 🚩
🚩 He is going out without you, leaving you to look after the kids 🚩
🚩 He said he was going to cook dinner for them and then didn’t 🚩
🚩 He doesn’t respect that you WFH 🚩
🚩 He gaslights you 🚩
🚩 He isn’t working with you to raise his children 🚩
🚩He used his kids to communicate with you 🚩
🚩 You have only been married a short time 🚩