Woman freaks out when she finds out baby daddy named his new baby after her daughter.
Baby name choices can be arbitrary or they can be loaded. It all depends on the personalities of the parents, the name they choose, and the context surrounding them. While no one can fully 'dibs' a name, there are times when a name choice feels like it's stepping over the line.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for calling her daughter's father 'spineless' after finding out the name of his new child. She wrote:
"AITA for calling my daughter's father spineless and his girlfriend creepy over their name choice for their daughter?"
A little bit of context for you all, I ended up falling pregnant with my 10-year-old daughter during a drunken hook-up with a friend in my mid-20s. Not the most glamourous, or flattering truth but it's the truth all the same. When we found out we decided to keep the child and co-parent while remaining friends. We were never a couple and we didn't want to be one either.
Four years ago he began to date his long-term girlfriend and they moved in together last year. She fell pregnant and I've been supportive of them both as much as I could be without crossing any lines; I've encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she's staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave.
I've also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship despite having different mothers. I've even said that if they were comfortable with it on nights I have my daughter if they ever want time alone I'll babysit once they have the baby so my daughter can spend time with her sibling.
All in all, I thought everything was great and I was excited for my daughter to have a sibling as she's always wanted one but I had no interest in having another child. Three days ago my friend and his girlfriend had a daughter, they asked me to bring my daughter to the hospital to meet her little sister yesterday alongside others of the family.
So I did exactly that but when they introduced us to the baby I was shocked. They'd named using my daughter's name. She didn't seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn't look at me directly.
I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend's father said he'd take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her. My friend told me to calm down and not overreact while his girlfriend told me she didn't see the issue and it was a pretty name.
I asked them if they'd named the baby after my daughter trying to understand the logic here. But his girlfriend said that no it was just a pretty name she liked. I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing to her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn't see a need for that.
I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn't do this, I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this.
He tried to claim our daughter could use a nickname or something but I shut that down immediately asking why it was more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade to shame her name compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was yet. His girlfriend told me I was being a b@#$h after she just gave birth and asked the nurses to remove me saying I was disruptive.
Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It's just so f#$@ing weird.
Edit: I'd also like to state, I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care but this is one name that should be off-limits or adjusted, they even have the same surname as they have the same father.
Something about it felt malicious and deliberate as if she's trying to replace my daughter and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? That was weird.
The comment section was spirited for this one.
ParsimoniousSalad wrote:
NTA. From the outside it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner's affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course it's creepy.
DeeDee-MayMay wrote:
NTA. They hid this for a reason. He was embarrassed for a reason. The same FIRST and LAST name is going to cause both those girls a life time of issues, especially with the same father. I usually would have a bit more sympathy for a woman who just gave birth but she seemed deliberately cold and cruel towards your daughter (her step daughter) to have done this.
Mishy162 wrote:
NTA. This is a calculated move on the part of the gf, and your daughter's dick of a father is too spineless to stand up to her. While no name can be claimed, this is a move full of h@te and spite. I would tell your daughter's father that you will be going for full custody of your daughter and taking him for child support because you can no longer trust him to do the right thing by your daughter.
How can you trust that he wouldn't allow his gf to treat your daughter poorly based on this behaviour. Obviously, his father agrees with you, that this name is not acceptable. I'm sorry but your daughter is never going to get treated right by her father's gf, she is already trying to replace your daughter by giving her daughter the same name.
fly1away wrote:
NTA. I suggest you look into changing your daughter's surname to your own surname (or at least suggest she can do it when she's old enough). So at least they won't have the same full name, and she can get some distance from her creepy father. NTA.
bymbym wrote:
NTA. That IS weird. Out of all the names in the world, they used the same name as your daughter have. So the father has 2 daughters with the same name. I'm sorry, this is so messed up.
OP is NTA in any way here, it sounds like she's dealing with some serious manipulation.