When this woman is furious with her sister's friend, she asks Reddit:
Hi there, I apologize in advance because I’m so angry I’m shaking. My (f26) and husband(28) took in one of my little sisters friends (f18, just shy of 19).
Let’s call her Sam. Sam has been with us for almost a full year, and we’ve been taking care of her. We also have two small children (3 &1) who live in our home as well.
We occasionally ask Sam to watch the kids for us when we have errands to run or want a date night etc.
She graduated high school in May, and did not have a job over the summer nor paid any sort of bills, so we didn’t think it was a huge ask considering we pay everything. Cellphone, shoes, clothes, anything she needs.
We just finally trusted Sam enough to watch the kids over night so we could go out of town to celebrate our anniversary. Everything went fine and we returned home with no issues. Or so we thought.
Today, I had some errands to run while husband went to work, so I asked Sam to watch the kids for about 2 hours last evening.
Sam is in no way a morning, and it’s VERY apparent. For reference this is at 7:12 am. The kids had just gotten up at 6:30.
This morning when she got up to watch the kids, she instantly fell asleep back on the couch. Husband and I had to wake her up before we left.
We have a car in the shop currently so I was dropping him off then doing my errands.
I had to use the restroom after dropping him off so I stopped back home, to find my house door unlocked and the home alarm not turned on.
Sam was in the room with the kids sleeping. This was at 7:50 am. She had no idea I ever entered the house. I was angry but got back into my car to go do what I needed to do.
While I was driving, I had a nagging feeling to check the living room camera from after the time we left. What I see on the camera horrified me as a mom.
Not even 10 minutes after we left, Sam goes to the spot we keep the children’s melatonin (my child is autistic and takes it nightly) and proceeds to plop one into my child’s mouth.
I saw red I sent the video to my husband to confirm what I saw, and he agreed. I then also sent it to my mom to triple check. I fly home and go inside to confront her. She lies and lies to me until she tells me that she actually did do it.
I told her that she needed to be out of my house today by 1pm. And she had a total meltdown. She gave me every reason in the book as to why she did it, and freaked out that she has no where to go.
I told a few people because I’m so upset I’m crying. I had some people who agreed with me, but some saying I shouldn’t kick her out since she has no where to go. Making me feel horrible. So my question to you is; AITA for kicking her out over giving my child melatonin?
ESH - you left your toddlers with someone who was fast asleep? yeah, you own some of this. What she did is wrong too, no question, but you also came home, saw she was asleep, then left without the kids, leaving them with a sleeping person. None of you are acting responsible in this situation.
Also, parentification of someone who isn't even your kid is... no more okay than if she were your kid. Doesn't matter if you're taking care of the costs of her life or not.
This is pretty tangled up, and I hate to say it, but NAH. I get your mama bear outrage and desire to protect your baby. But I don’t think your hands are totally clean here, and this is why:
First: there’s a power dynamic here. Sam is completely economically dependent on you and your husband (not totally sure why, but setting that aside for now) and since you have no familial or other bonds, Sam has an incredibly precarious position in your household. That means no matter what you may think or intend, what you ask Sam to do has an implied “or else” attached to it.
Second, it’s not clear to me that Sam knew the thing that is so obvious to you - that giving your child the melatonin in the morning was the wrong thing to do (since you give your child the melatonin at night, and the only effect is helping them sleep).
Finally, it’s not clear to me that you explicitly gave Sam clear instructions on how to watch your kids, and what not to do. You may have thought that living with you would be enough — that Sam would pick up the details by osmosis.
But living in a family’s household while not being a caregiver to a child is very different than being a child’s caregiver. That difficulty is increased when a kid has a need for routine, like your kid does, and it’s doubled when there are multiple small kids.
Sam didn’t do the right thing, and neither did you.