Woman gives late husband's estate to 'a stranger' instead of their kids. AITA?
When this woman is worried that she offended her kids, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for giving my late husband's estate to a stranger instead of our kids?"
I (F55) had been married to my husband (M60) for 20 years before he died. It was cancer.He had two kids from a past marriage who were in their early teens when he married me. I had a 7 year old from an earlier relationship as well. We didn't have anymore kids.
I tried to treat my step children as my own but they never accepted me. They were very rude and insulted me whenever they could. Since I did not work they called me a gold digger who married their dad only for his money.
The truth was my grandparents were quite wealthy and left me a lot of money when they died. I lived well below my means and chose to stay home and raise my daughter, since I could afford that.
I did not need his money at all. But I didn't bother sharing this with his kids and told him not to either. I did not want them to like me just because they might gain monetarily from me.
My husband on the other hand hated how they behaved with me. Their blatant disrespect made him not pay for their College tuition. Their mom couldn't pay for it and they had to take loans for it. They didn't even talk to him.
Even when he got cancer, they refused to come see him. For three years we struggled with the treatment. My daughter came to visit from time to time, when she could.
During this time only person who really helped both of us was someone we were not related to at all. This girl in her late 20s waitressed at a cafe we frequented. She was a single mom, taking classes at community college at night, working during day and raising her two kids.
She took a liking to us and when she learned my husband was sick, spend whatever time she could visiting him. She has stayed nights at the hospital when I needed a break and basically been the daughter we wished for.
When he died, she helped me arrange the funeral. His kids came on the day and all they wanted to know was about their inheritance. I felt sick.
When I learned my husband has left his estate to me, (whatever is left after settling his bills, and it was around $25000), I decided to give it to the girl who helped us both so much. She tried to refuse but I insisted she take it. She needed it and in my opinion deserved it more than the ungrateful children.
My daughter understands why I did not give it to his children but is upset I did not give anything to her either. I told her she already had money and a job. Not to mention she will get my inheritance. This was in no way her money. But his ex wife and kids are causing havoc over this and really upset with me. They are calling me AH for giving away money they deserve. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought. They were torn!
baconeggcheesespk writes:
NTA. First of all, an estate of 25k is very small. It’s not the size of an estate that people even normally ask about or fight over. It’s surprising to me that your child and your step children were expecting some windfall when your husbands total net worth was 25k. Were they under the impression that your husband had money?
If your husband wanted his kids or your kids to have his estate, he would have left it to them. But he wanted you to have it, and you were well within your right and the moral high ground to gift it to someone who made an influence in your life and for whom it may be a life changing gift.
statuscollection333 writes:
Yeah I vote YTA. Reasons: they were teenagers couldn't accept u, thought u were gold digger. Probably words they heard from their mom. However you couldn't be bothered to explain.
No mention of therapy or counselling either. Dad, despite being able to pay for college - which is an important milestone in someone's life - chose not to. Basically doing a tit for tat on his kids.
Not sure why the teens / kids were expected to be the bigger person's when all of the 3 parents they had chose to go low. Now dad died. And as an ultimate FU to the kids for being unlucky enough to see their parents divorce and their family broken at young age and acting out cos of it, you chose to give a random stranger who.was nice to u.
Low bar I would say. Seems like no one in this scenario thinks family is important. Seriously hope when u have dementia the waitress will think the 25k was enough for her to visit u Inn your care home.
timelytie9 writes:
YTA, but your husband was more of an asshole. I can’t fathom all of these NTAs, do you have children of your own? I can’t wrap my head around how parents willingly cause the breakdown of the relationship with their children and just carry on with their lives.
Men and women remarry and I swear their previous children become baggage in their eyes. Your husband choose not to help them with college, he choose to punish them, you both choose to lie to them.
Did you assist them with getting use to this new family structure? Apparently you guys have money, did you try therapy? I don’t know why it’s such a shock to people that children and young adults struggle with new changes in their parents lives.
At the end of the day we choose to have children our children did not have any say in that decision, so no I am not saying to put you entire life on hold forever but the idea that you don’t consider your children at all in your life planning is asinine.