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Woman goes OFF on future MIL; MIL boycotts wedding. AITA?

Woman goes OFF on future MIL; MIL boycotts wedding. AITA?


When this DIL goes OFF on her MIL, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for Going Off on my MIL?"

Firstly, I know that I am partially the asshole for going off on my fiance’s mother in the way that I did. However, please hear me out.

I (F29) and my fiancé (M30) have been dating for 5 years and got engaged 2 years ago. However, he has an enmeshed relationship with his mom. Before we met, she called him every morning to wake him up from work and had him visit her in her home state between 4-8 times a year.

He was also paying all of her bills although she was working two jobs and had alimony coming in. While he only pays two of her bills now, it's pretty much the same.

From the moment she met me, his mother has been cold and very judgmental. She didn’t introduce herself to me, didn't like my gifts, refuses to eat anything I cooked for her (and complained when she was forced to), and made snide comments to me regarding my attitude and most things that I do and cook both to me and her son.

Up until this Christmas, however, I have been nothing but kind to her. I have given her nice gifts, tried to engage her in polite conversation, invited her to my home on multiple occasions for holidays where I do all the cooking, cleaning, and decorating, and tried to incorporate her into the life that her son and I were building as much as possible.

Finally 3 years ago, she started to thaw and asked me the first personal question she’s ever asked (which consisted of two words: “How’s work?”)

From there, things started to change and she was nice to me, even calling me DIL, but then I fed it up. For a few years, I have had a problem with drinking too much. Before this, however, it never affected my fiance’s family. This time, I had too much wine and snapped at her after Christmas when she wouldn't eat what I cooked for her. She left the next day.

Since then, her son has been moping around the house, crying, hitting things, and saying that I am the worst person he has ever met because I ruined everything. While I partially deserve this because I did mess things up, I have since taken accountability for what I did, formally apologized to his mother, and taken steps to end my drinking altogether.

She has already gotten him to cancel the birthday plans that I spent months planning so he can go up to visit her for his birthday instead. She will not listen to my apology and will not be coming to our wedding later this year.

Before this, she was ecstatic about it, and I just can’t help but think that she’s refusing to go because she's manipulating him to end things with me while she has the chance. So even though I know I am partially TA here, would I be the asshole for telling him to set boundaries with her or I walk away for good?

Let's see what readers thought.

jrm1102 writes:

ESH - Your MIL and your husband seem to have a very unhealthy relationship. Sure, you were an AH for drunkenly yelling at her but this all sounds like ya’ll just have an unhealthy dynamic.

royallyoakie writes:

NTA...I certainly wouldn't be marrying anyone who called me the "the worst person they'd ever met." This isn't just about too much wine, this is also about years and years of no boundaries and little respect. Take care of this BEFORE getting married.

juniorfox706 writes:

NTA - yeah, you didn't cover yourself with glory when you snapped at her, but his response to that has been verbal and mental abuse. Hitting things, even inanimate objects is a form of mental abuse and toxic.

Saying something as horrible as you are the worst person he ever met is verbal abuse. Do not marry this man-I'm not saying the abuse will escalate to physical, but I'm not not saying it either. Even if it doesn't-you've already seen that this is how this babyman handles conflict and it ain't how adults do it.

Let him go visit mommy. Take the opportunity to pack your bags while he's gone, or throw his shit on the curb.

Looks like the jury's out. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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