Woman invites daughter's entire class to birthday party; excludes bully. Updated!
'AITA for not inviting one child from my daughters class to a party?'
My (28 female) and husband (29 male) have a daughter Payton (7 female). Payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. Her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. We invited the whole class except one student.
The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). Obviously Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party.
The other girls mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. (Payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top).
I explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. I disagreed.
The mother then asked if she had her daughter apology and write Payton a letter we could reconsider. I told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time I see the mom. AITA?
Info from questions:
Invitations were not handed out in the classroom. I handed them to parents directly.
I’ve seen a few people ask exactly what kind of bullying has occurred. So I’ll give a couple examples from last year and this year. One time Payton came home crying because the little girl was so mean to her. Telling her she wasn’t pretty, too chubby, etc.
Payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (Payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t “pretty”.
She has told Payton she couldn’t play with the rest of the girls in the class when they were all playing jump rope at recess. The other girls told her to let Payton play so when it was Payton’s turn the girl purposely got her “out” by not swinging the rope nicely. The teacher saw that happen. She’s called Payton a cry baby.
Here's what people had to say about the original post:
NTA. Here’s why: Your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. This is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she’s upset about that. Which I guess is understandable but here is the thing mum didn’t offer an apology before the party.
Didn’t pull her kid in line before the party and when it was brought up repeatedly with the school. She is only doing it now because her kid is the “victim”
NTA. 'I'm sorry mom, but the time to correct your child's behavior towards my daughter was ages ago when we had multiple meetings about the way she bullies my kid.'
NTA, but maybe giving the little girl a second chance is a good idea.
Yeah, considering the writer has absolute freedom to write what she wants, and still comes off as looking like a jerk, I am wondering how much of this is her daughter being “bullied” and how much of this is rich mean girl using influence to get what she wants from the school.
Something about the way you’re talking is rubbing me the wrong way. Obviously you’re free to invite or not invite anyone she wants, but to not invite this single child, the only one left out of the whole class, seems actually quite cruel. I mean, if you want to make a child feel bad, congratulations. You’ve succeeded.
Update from OP:
Payton’s party was today. She had so much fun. The student that was not invited did show up, but did not make it past the community gate. In our neighborhood you have to have someone at the gate in order for people to enter.
We had face painting, balloon animals, a bounce house, an obstacle course, a magic show, and character appearances. We even had a life size Barbie box for pictures and pink everything. There was activities for the kids to do and everything was a hit. Also thank you to the commenter who suggested swag bags. We did have them and the kids loved it!
Comments after the update:
ex0trix writes:
I'm going to say that an apology given to get a 'cookie' is rarely a real apology. I can see the issue where it appears one child is excluded but honestly the birthday girl does not appear to have any positive reactions to this child. Also, the parents were likely a huge part of the issue with talking among themselves if I had to guess.
dlaugh1 writes:
Sounds to me like you are gloating about making a seven-year-old child, miserable.
Top_Thing4890 writes:
NTA. The uninvited girl showed up? Her mother is clueless. Did she think you wouldn't dare refuse to let her daughter in?
You did good Mom!
Opposite-Leg2854 OP responded:
I don’t think she realized there would be someone at the gate. For all the kids at the party and our neighbors safety we didn’t want to just leave the gate wide open so we had people there checking the list for the people coming for the party.
marymarvel61 writes:
NTA at all! Payton deserves a fun birthday. The bully and especially the mom are the Aholes, I can see where the kid is learning to be a bully! Moms a bully. You did the right thing.
mugoproblems writes:
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions. This was a perfect opportunity for the mom to teach her kid that you catch more friends with honey than vinegar. Instead she tried to crash it anyways and play victim. 🙄
I have a toddler girl right now and I worry about her getting bullied in school or becoming the bully, but at least I won't be this mom who lets her get away with it. Good 👏 on 👏 you👏👏👏
Orphan_Izzy writes:
I cant believe they brought her to the party anyway and made her go through the embarrassment of being refused at the gate. Great parenting. Its no excuse for bullying but it usually can be linked to stuff going on at home.