Having a baby is hard and sometimes it's a whole family affair. When this man is conflicted about what he said to his sister about IVF, she asks Reddit:
I am M23. My sister is F28, married to M30 for 6 years. My sister has been trying for a baby for about 3 years now, without success. 18 months ago she and her husband came to my parents and asked if we'd finance an IVF treatment.
My parents have some savings separate from retirement and agreed to pay for it, and I even pitched in a few hundred dollars to show my support even though I didn't have a lot of savings, having just started work after graduation.
Unfortunately, the IVF failed. Yesterday, my sister and BIL came over again for dinner. Afterwards my sister said she wanted to try another round of IVF and asked my parents if they would pay for it again. I could tell my parents looked hesitant but they agreed because my sister was crying.
At this point I stood up and said it's not right for her to ask again for our parents' money for something that didn't work before and may not work again. We argued a bit and I admit that things got heated and we had a big fight. She yelled at me that it was none of my business.
I told her she if she can't pay for the IVF then she needs to accept that she can't afford a kid. She told me to get out, but I refused. My parents were trying to calm us down, my mom started telling me that it's not my money, to which I replied that it's basically a gift to one child and not the other and that it was only fair that I be given a similar amount of money as what they would spend on my sister.
My sister started complaining that it's not a gift, it's a treatment for a medical condition and if I'd expect payment if she had cancer and my parents paid for chemo. I told her not being able to have a kid poses no threat to her life the way cancer does and it's a completely disingenuous comparison.
My dad finally stood up and yelled at us both to shut up and sit down. Then he told my sister that they already paid for one and I had a point that continuing to pay for it would be unfair.
He said he's very sorry for what she's going through but they need to accept things how they are. My sister started crying again and her husband (who had been quiet and looking uncomfortable the whole time) took her and left.
Today my sister sent me some texts calling me an asshole for sticking my nose in her business and keeping her from having a baby. AITA?
OP, YTA. You can think whatever you want about the situation but it isn’t your money. And no matter what you think your parents should or shouldn’t do, you were an absolutely childish tantrum-throwing dick. You’re 23.
It appears you still live with your parents. You don’t know shit about life yet, or at least not nearly as much as you think you do, and you’ve earned zero right to tell your parents what to do with their money.
NTA. The way you said it was harsh (bordering on asshole territory).
But your parents were about to just hand over tens of thousands of dollars that they probably need for their retirement years because your sister was crying.
Your sister is only 28. There's time for her and her husband to save the money to have IVF again in a few years. Or they can ask other family, or friends to chip in.
But you did the right thing to help safeguard your parents' retirement needs.
Not being able to afford ivf doesn't necessarily mean someone can't afford a kid, but your sister sounds EXTREMELY entitled and almost panicked, so perhaps you're right. She sounds vaguely manipulative too (saying vague because God knows what you can tell from a reddit thread). Thus NTA from me .
Maybe you didn't bring this up / handle it in a perfect way, but I'm glad you stepped in on behalf of your parents. They probably would never have been able to say no and, honestly, ivf is expensive AF.