'AITA for kicking my MIL out for trying to convince my daughter to give her baby to my SIL?'
"AITA for kicking my MIL out of my house for trying to convince my daughter to give her baby to my SIL?"
I (34F) have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 2 daughters together 7 and 5. I have a daughter from a high school relationship who is 17. My daughter is 7 months pregnant. The father is in her life. They both are working hard saving money. I’ve already had the necessary talks with my daughter, but she is dead set on being a mother to this child.
My SIL (35) has struggled with fertility, and basically, has been told she cannot have children. They’ve been actively trying or just not using protection for the past 10 years, and only conceived twice ending in early miscarriages. My MIL already brought up the idea of letting SIL adopt this baby when we told her my daughter's wishes.
The other day I came home from work and my MIL was over, and I overheard her talking to my daughter about that idea. Telling her how she wouldn’t be fit to be a mother and SIL is much more prepared and how she wouldn’t want to repeat the cycle (bc I had her so young.) She then pulled a guilt trip and told her how SIL's dream is for a child. I simply opened the door and just said “get out.”
She stared at me in complete disbelief, then said I couldn’t kick her out of her son's house. I said, "I can" and I just did. She left, but then when my husband got home from work he said she had left a ton of messages about how in the wrong I am and how I’m setting my daughter up for failure. My husband's on my side. AITA?
Redditors had a lot to say about the situation.
Dramatic_Attempt4318 wrote:
NTA. While I cannot imagine the tough journey your SIL is on as she navigates her fertility struggles, your daughter's circumstance is not a patch job for your SIL's situation.
There are tough conversations to be had when one is pregnant without planning it (regardless of age), but it was not your MIL's place to have any of those conversations and she didn't even approach it as a conversation: she was trying to manipulate your daughter emotionally.
She deserved to get kicked out. She has no respect for boundaries or decency. Food for thought: Could you (or husband) touch base with SIL to see if she knew what MIL was doing?
I hope she was unawares, but if she was not, it may necessitate a conversation with both MIL and SIL about boundaries and what is and is not their place in regards to your daughter's pregnancy (although I also encourage you to check with your daughter to see if she is willing, and comfortable, to have you advocate on her behalf this way).
corgihuntress wrote:
NTA whatever your daughter decides, being told by a trusted adult that she wouldn't be a fit mother, and that she should feel guilty for not giving SIL the child is utterly repugnant and gross. You have spoken to your daughter.
You have given her all the information and allowed her to have her choice. I'm sure you have not sugar-coated anything. You have done right by your daughter. You're a good mom and your MIL sucks.
PeaceCorpsMwende wrote:
NTA where do people get the idea that a woman's uterus is open for discussion? Oh right.... I remember now. Supreme Court. It's a pitiful state of affairs. I'm glad she has her mother supporting her decisions. I hope she's just like you and doesn't let anyone interfere in her or her child's life.
Less_Jello_2489 wrote:
NTA. How did MIL get in the house? If your daughter didn't let her in then change the locks or it's going to be a case of lather, rinse, repeat if she knows your schedule. I would also have a talk with your SIL and her spouse that they aren't getting the baby so they need to look for the next option.
flatlanddan wrote:
NTA. Your daughter is still your daughter, and you are doing what any parent would. My dad still holds grudges with family members over things they’ve said to me that I’ve forgotten. It’s your job to keep her safe & protect her from everyone. MIL is totally out of line to put that level of pressure and guilt on a 7 month pregnant young woman, despite already being told her wishes.
Clearly, OP is NTA here, but her MIL is way out of line.